What is the
concept of Shahwat and desires?
This topic
is a very important topic that usually we don’t talk about it enough in the way
it should be dealt with.
“As for the one who fears standing before Allah and
stops his nafs from unlawful desires, Verily Jannah is his abode”
Linguistic Definition
Shahwat is an Arabic word meaning to want
something, to desire something, to wish for something; it can also mean passion.
In Urdu also, it pretty much has the same meaning.
Dictionary Definition of the word means excessive
desire for something.
·
If
it’s a desire for something unIslamic or unlawful, it is obviously haram[3].
·
If
it’s a desire for something good like Salah and Thawm .It
is desired and one earns thawab for it. It’s a good thing.
·
Then
there are some things that are jayiz to have shahwat for to a certain degree, for
instance, for clothing, for food etc. i.e.: to be fond of/to have a liking for
the jayiz things as long as it’s not excessive, it is permissible.
Common Usage
If we look in the Shari’ah, in Islamic books the common usage
of the word shahwat is usually a desire for something unIslamic and
unlawful.
Shahwat:
desires, when they are not jayiz
Man has
different desires attached to different parts of the body and shahwat has
types which are based on these desires.
The Shawat Of The
Stomach:
An example (1) is a
person who likes to eat a lot. In Urdu we also call them paitoo .In
Pakistan this concept is also known as “hotel ling” i.e. to dine out. To
have a greed to eat
good food all the time. One or the other is always either eating
out or ordering something or the other. This is something that people can have
in excessive amounts. Sometimes they don’t like the home cooked food or the dal
roti is not tempting enough or the vegetables are not tasty… etc. So that
is a type of hirs [4]or
Shahwat.
Sometimes we see certain types of shahwat
ghalib [5]in
a certain age group or ghalib in a certain type of people. So this type of shahwat is usually ghalib in kids.
Sometimes even adults have it but kids have it for the junk food, chocolates,
candy etc. That’s why in marketing the advertisers know it and the mothers hate
it that:
example (2) when you go to the grocery store
and you see all the candy bars and all the yummy junk food that you tell your
child not to have, right where you have to pay your bill and you are sitting
there and you are waiting for your turn in line and your daughters say that, “I
want this and I want this and I want this and this…” an your like “no
no!” and then you end up getting two or three of them and putting in your
cart.
So this is how the kids have a shahwat
for junk food a lot and they’ll have a tantrum because they want to have a
lollipop or a marshmallow. And if this is excessive, it becomes a shahwat,
even though its jayiz that someone has an excessive liking or desire for
food.
Sometimes women have it example (3) often housewives go like
“what should be cooked for food today” and they spend half the day
thinking about what to cook and the other half of the day in getting it ready.
This is also something that can be excessive. An excessive desire to have good
food, to have five six dishes to feed people and have a big party etc. are a
few examples.
The Shawat Of The Eyes:
This is basically, “liking
beautiful things”. For example when you go somewhere you start
looking at how the place is decorated, you start liking somebody’s clothing, or
accessories or matching etc. these type of things. This is
usually ghalib or dominant in women.
For example (1) they like beauty; they want to wear nice
things. They’ll go shopping for hours and
hours in trying to find the exact shoes to match their outfit.
And this is very common in our women.
To some degree
it is permissible because
women have a mizaj[6]
for this i.e.: to look nice and presentable. So such a desire it is
permissible or rather encouraged to look nice for the husband or the mehram[7]
relatives. If this liking (of dressing up and looking pretty) becomes so excessive that one’s thinking about it
even while praying, or ones spending most of the day involved in an activity
such as this then it becomes a shahwat.
This type can range
from clothing, homes, and lifestyles like the rich and famous, going on
vacations, having a nice car and having the “whole package”. If this is
in excessive amount then it becomes a shahwat.
How
to figure out if it’s excessive obsession or not:
ü To realize what we think about in the
Salah?
ü To consciously observe what does your mind
automatically go to when you wake up in the morning or before you go to sleep
ü What are your thoughts pre-occupied with?
This is something that is also
propagated to us by our media,
example (2) “Go To Malaysia”, “plan your honey moon”, “plan
your wedding”; one spends a year planning their wedding… so all it encourages
is shahwat. It encourages shahwat in beauty and in things of this
world.
The Shawat Of The Farj:
Farj is an Arabic term and is a bit
more hayadar[8] and what we generally understand
by it is the shahwat of the private area. So this is a desire that
people have generally but it is more ghalib in men. Women have it to a large degree
as well but men have it very strongly. Sometimes it lasts them the whole life.
It was there in a book, ask a person who is 60 years old he’ll still be interested
in getting married again. This is something that the men have inherently and it’s
predominant in them.
In a hadith the Prophet s.a.w. said, “Whoever guards this shahwat at an age when it is very strong
Allah Ta’alah will grant them maghfirah. Allah Ta’ala will grant them mercy on
the Day of Judgement”.
Theres a very long hadith about seven types of people who will be granted the shade of Allah
s.w.t’s Arsh on the Day of Judgement when there’s no shade and one of those
types of people is that young man who is tempted by a women of nasb [9]and beauty and he was tempted by her and he
said that, “I fear Allah”.
Now that is something that if a man says no to, at that
point, then he’s going against his shahwat.
The Shawat Of The Mind:
This is when you’re fantasizing, thinking things that are
not jayiz.
For men it is more in relation to sensory perceptions of
seeing beautiful women.
For women it may not be to that extent but they’re more into
novels; romantic novels and love stories and things like that and in that
sometimes one feels their shahwat.
When a person is excessively attached to thoughts, and
fantasizing and day dreaming; a person who is just day dreaming all the time
when this is excessive it can be a shahwat
of the
mind.
The Shawat Of The Heart:
There’s a hadith where the prophet s.a.w used the word shahwat.
He
said, “Allah made
a Shahwat for every nabi, and my shahwat is love for the night prayer”.
So that’s not strange to us, but for shehwat we usually have a negative connotation but here it means a
desire, an intense desire for standing up all night and praying. Some scholars have said
that this can also be a shahwat;
a desire
that a person enjoys ibadat.
But
there is a limit attached to it.
Interestingly, there is a hadith in which a
sahabi got married and some time passed and the father in law came to visit his
new daughter in law and he saw his daughter in law in a very messed up state
i.e.: uncombed hair and not taken care of. So he asked her that “why don’t
you take care of yourself” she replied, “your son is a good man and he
has no need of me, he’s not interested in me”. He asked about his routine
and she said, “He fasts all day and stand all night in prayer he’s a good
man but he has no need to have been married to me”. The father in law went
to the Prophet s.a.w and told him. And the Prophet s.a.w said “call your son
to me”. And when he came the Prophet said to him, “look! Your wife has a
right over you; your body has a right over you. Keep fasts some days and don’t
fast on others and stand in the night prayer in some nights and leave on the
others”
So even this has a degree and an intensity
that one shouldn’t pass that boundary. Which means even ibadah has a
type of shahwat.
Another
type of shahwat of the
heart which we don’t call shahwat is
for example (1) when a person is really into their kids. Mothers have excessive desire and
attachment with their kids. Actually mothers never get enough of their kids.
They always want to spend more and more time with their kids. The hostelites go
home for one month and the mothers will say you should have been here for two
months. They want more and more time. There is something called the ‘motherhood’
and having ‘motherly feelings for one’s child’, when they get upset with
their child when he doesn’t call etc so excessive/obsessiveness of this becomes
shahwat of the heart.
Conclusion:
The above mentioned five different
types of shahwat are related to five different parts of the body; the
stomach, the eyes, the mind, the heart etc. And they have some desire or some
fulfillment/happiness attached to them.
Shahwat: when
it is hidden…
The prophet s.a.w said,
“I fear two things for my ummmah[10], one is shirk and the other is hidden
shahwat”
The Arabic word for hidden shahwat is shahwat ul kuhfiya’a.
·
The
‘shirk’ we may be able to understand but it
still doesn’t mean the open, out righteous shirk, it too means the hidden
shirk.
·
And
about ‘hidden shahwat’ most of the scholars say about
something that makes one majboor[11]
to fulfill ones desires what you can call in other words ‘a bahanaa[12]’. Such
a thing is very very common for example
(1) a person, in order to
fulfill ones desire will find an excuse or
some way to get it done and end up fulfilling their desires in
way that it feels like “it’s okay…”.
Excuses…Excuses!!
Something like this would happen many
times during the day; a person secretly in the heart of the hearts of their
mind they might have been thinking in a way they shouldn’t be thinking, they
might be fantasizing in way they shouldn’t be fantasizing and they’ll find
excuses to fulfill this shahwat. example
(2) a young
college girl says ‘I
need to talk to my male colleague’ or ‘I need to hang out with them’ or ‘I
need to talk to call them up’ or ‘I need to sms them’ or ‘I need
to spend time with them because of my project’ or ‘…because of my
studies’. We can’t be so strict and all these different excuses and then
they’ll find a way to fulfill their shahwat
which outwardly will look like it’s all jayiz and all. Example (3) and this is when a person says ‘…who to
meray bhai ki tara hai’ but won’t really look at him like a brother or ‘…who
to meri bilkul bhen ki tara hai’ but the relation isn’t like a brother
sister relation. In Pakistan almost everybody finds the other/likes to make the
other a “rishtedar[13]”.
Women
can smartly judge!
The fact of
the matter is that you’re not brothers and sisters. Just like a middle aged
person would say ‘…who to meri beti jaisi
hai’ but won’t look at her like his own daughter. Women are very sharp in
this, it doesn’t matter if you are young or old or if you are religious or not
religious, whatever your background is you can recognize how a man is looking
at you. In a split second one can judge, from the eyes, the kind of look they
have. And this happens with women who are fully dressed. It’s a very common
phenomenon in Saudi Arabia. You can understand if a man is looking at you
normally or he’s looking at you not normally. And ones wondering what are
they even looking at? Women are covered there! But this is a disease in the
men and sometimes the more covered you are the more they have to think about!
This is hidden shahwat and person will do these things and they won’t be
able to realize that this is also a kind of shahwat.
Unconsciously Fulfilling
Emotional Desires
And some
scholars have written that this is extremely
common in men and women of every age. Earlier there may have
been a perception of this effect in only younger ages Example (4) but once a woman over 50 was found chatting by her
husband and it does sound funny. The husband must have thought it’s so funny
about what she’s doing. He told her to leave and told her to go to her parent’s
house. These days women of 50 can look really good for their age. The husband
took her back though but their family has a lot of problems. Basically she had
a hidden shahwat. Emotional desire or emotional fulfillment and she
needed that that she wasn’t getting from her husband thus through internet
chatting lots of people fulfill their fantasies and dreams without feeling that
I’m doing anything wrong.
Isolation Leads To
Lack Of Surveillance….It’s Easier To Get Caught Up
Lots of
people call the internet as ‘enter the net’, and call the cell phone as
‘hell phone’. Because these things are making sinning easier for us and
people in the privacy of their home the kids are apparently studying but the
phones are ringing and sms-ing and the mother’s don’t know. They think their
kids are studying, when the mother comes the phone is here and the book is
there. So this is another example of hidden shahwat. They are fulfilling
their desires, fantasies, emotional needs in ways that can’t catch any ones
attention. It has become extremely easy to privately commit sin. And sometimes
people do it on the internet because nobody knows anyone on the other side.
Living The Fantasy
Life
People live
these extreme fantasy lives on the internet. They can be whoever they want to
or whatever they want to nobody knows whether this person is fifty years old or
twenty! They send a picture of somebody else saying, ‘this is me’. Sometimes we
don’t realize how common these things are.
why
does Allah Ta’ala put shahwat in the hearts of people?
Sometimes a
person may ask that, “If this shahwat is that bad then why Allah Ta’alah
puts it in the hearts of people?” so this brings out the purposes of shahwat:
Reproduction
One natural
reason for this may be that it is required to have human race/humanity to grow
i.e.: the need to reproduce. Allah Ta’ala put it in us for a natural reason.
It’s a part of being a human. If you don’t have them, then you are not normal.
It is a normal part of being human but what happens is that when is
excessive, when it’s misdirected or when it’s done in impermissible of
unIslamic ways/haraam ways.
Tasting the
Bounties and Blessings
All these
things are blessings; the different types of shahwat of the different
body parts help us enjoy the things of this world and this comes in the Qura’an that Allah Ta’alah has made
this dunya and we should derive pleasure in it in permissible ways.
There’s a hadith where the Prophet s.a.w said to
the sahabah karaam that every time you have relations with your wife you’ll
get thawab; it’s like nafal ibadha. And the sahabah karaam we shocked
that how’s this possible, this is just a reason to fulfill our desires. The
prophet s.a.w said if you did it in an impermissible way wouldn’t you have
earned gunnah? They said yes it would be gunnah. Then he said if
you do it in a jayiz way it’ll earn you thawab.
So actually it’s a blessing from
Allah. Allah Ta’ala told the human beings that you can enjoy these things.
There are lots of jayiz things.
Actually if you look at things that are Halaal
and that are Haraam. Majority of the
things are halaal. And you just need
to stay away from the haraam things.
What happens is that we think “these things become difficult for us (the
halaal range of things)” then we enter the other arena of the haraam.
Thus one of the reasons is to
enjoy the bounties and blessings of Allah and that comes in the Qura’an. And
some scholars have said that actually the reason is that when you enjoy the
blessings and the bounties of Allah, you should realize that the natural
conclusion should be is that on the Last Day the biggest blessing of Allah
s.w.t would be Jannah. Jannah is actually the place where Allah Ta’ala’s
blessings would be in the highest from.
In a way some scholars have written that this
shahwat that we have is how Allah Ta’ala gives us a taste that; look you’re
going crazy about the desires of this world. People go crazy to fulfill their
desired just for a few minutes of passion and a few minutes of pleasure.
They’ll do crazy crazy things just for a few minutes or the little bit of time
they will spend with that person but all this is just a taste is what jannat is
supposed to be like. Like a small representative taste
This is to realize that this is
a blessing from Allah Ta’ala and this is a taste of jannah and we actually
should remember that if we safe guard what were supposed to safe guard then
Allah Ta’ala is going to make easy for us the way to Jannah.
In A hadith of the prophet s.a.w it is
mentioned
Sahl ibn Sa’d reported that the Messenger of Allah, (PBUH), said, “Anyone
who safeguards for My sake what is between his jaws and what is between his
legs, I will safeguard Jannah for him.” [Agreed upon]
And the whole shahwat is
a disease of the nafs. It pushes one down to the base desires and the ruh
actually pushes you up and the nafs
is actually the major rukawat in doing good things and staying away from
bad things and according to one buzurg[14] , “jannat has two steps one is your nafs and the other
step is to enter jannah.” So all we need is to step on your nafs. You just need to control the
desires that Allah Ta’ala has given us.
The Test
It
comes in the Qura’an:
“People’s hearts will be tested for taqwa”
That how much does one fear Allah, or how much does one
want to follow Allah’s desires and commands? Would you rather follow the
desires of your nafs, your shahwati desires? Your nafsaani
desires? Or do you want to follow the desires of Allah s.w.t.
Sometimes when you want something really badly and there’s
something else that over rides it. Sometimes there’s a desire a person might
have but the fear of Allah or the fear of ones Parents, sometimes the love of
somebody else over rides it.
Example (1) There is this story in the
historical books (of Islamic knowledge) that there was a woman and there was a man who was madly
in love with this girl. He said “I really
want to meet you’re and I want to be with you…”etc. She said to him that,
“I want to meet you even more than you
want to meet me”.
There’s a hadith
that women actually have more desire
than men but it is hidden due to their hayaa[15].
And she said, “…but I fear Allah”. And she said this thing “that I have more fear for Allah than I have
desire for you” in a way. And when she said this, that was enough to change
his heart. Sometimes when a women or a girl
has this fear of Allah it can be a sabab to change the heart of somebody else.
Example (2) There is an incident of the Bani
Israel and is a very long story about how when three
men were stuck in a cave and
they all said some good deed of theirs in order to get out of that cave. One of
their stories was that “I was in love with one of the women in my family more
than I love anyone else and I really wanted to be with her but she would always
reject me .Once there was famine in the area and she was needy of money and she
came to me while her family was starving thus she came to me and asked me for
some money. I said, “I’ll give you the
money but …” in Arabic language it is stated as “…you take away the hurdle between me and you.” So she said okay and
while he was trying to have relations with her, in the middle she got scared
and she said, “Fear Allah”. And that
was enough to make him stop and say, “okay
go and take the money with you”.so this is something when a women has a
fear of Allah in her heart, it sometimes becomes the sabab or the changing the state of a man.
In the long run this is a test of Allah Ta’ala to see how much taqwa and how much fear of Allah we
have. Having shahwat is natural. Some
people have it more some have it less, some people are in a position to fulfill
it more and others are in a position where they can’t fulfill it. And the more
you do mukhalifat[16]
of this shahwat, stay away or go
against it or avoid it, the more the thawab.
So this is a part of the tests of being in this world.
why is
shahwat so bad?
It is bad because of the effects it
has on one’s life.
Emotional Effects
Basically when they become obsessed with
something, they become infatuated with something or excessive attachment with
something, it will emotionally exhaust them. They
get so exhausted they even get tired of their own selves. They can’t live
without it. It becomes addiction .It becomes a drug
Example (1) Girls usually have emotional addictions so
this shahwat becomes so that they need to talk to that person. They need
to be with that person. This is a person’s bad level of emotion and the media also preys on this. The advertisements from mobile companies that
say, “saari raat karo baat”. When people feel the need to talk they
are going to talk all night. When they talk all night what happens is that they
sleep in class all day, neither the academics will be good nor the professional
life. They’ll be late for their jobs all the time. Thus the emotional effects
will lead to problems related to their academic and professional life.
Physical Effects
One gets tired, sad and depressed.
Its time consuming ad some scholars have written that when a man fulfills his shahwat’s
desires a lot that actually end up being older. They look older than they
are. Girls who have been in multiple relationships they don’t look like young
girls anymore. They might be 24-25 but they look like they are 30 plus. This is
something that physically drains a person.
Spiritual Effects
The Qur’an says:
“Do not follow your own desires and deviate from the truth.” Annisa’ [135]
When a person engages in shahwat,
they say ill make tauba, ill do this, its okay, I still have my connection with
Allah, I’m just a gunnahgar[17],this
is gunnah” that actually makes one go astray… we see in the Qur’an,
Allah Ta’ala says:
“Allah has not made for a man two hearts in his interior.” Al-Ahzaab [33, 4]
…That
one may be given to Allah and one to a maklooq, or to one’s shahwat
or desires thus we don’t have two hearts. Example
(1) Often girls, even the good or naik
[18]ones, or
with a good family background who have every thing and they are coming to the
dars [19]e Qur’an
and they are coming to the classes and sooner or later you see them dropping.
They’re slipping in their deen. Sometime they can’t put their heart in the
prayer (lack of concentration) or feel half-hearted in the class or the same
way in the Dars. Why because they’re attached to somebody else. Now
their desires, their feelings, their emotions are attached to somebody else.
This happens when the
love or the desire or the excessive love of someone enters your heart,
something is going to leave, and this is what shahwat does. It puts holes
in ones heart and the holes drain out the love of Allah! Thus one can’t have
two loves in one’s heart, one can’t say I love this person and I love being
with this person and doing these impermissible things and love and desires and
at the same time “…mujhey Allah se bhi bohat muhabbat hai”. It’s not
possible.
And this is something
one’s own namaz can tell them. One’s own heart can tell them. Example (2) and some times girls fall
into this trap. It’s so strange they don’t realize that they become deeni for the
sake of a boy. Now they do pray but that too for the sake of their duas being
accepted by Allah. And when they make dua that is just for one thing. If they
say that I want to marry so and so, I’d say pray for whatever’s best for you. But
this is the Majnoon and Laila situation, this girl becomes a majnoona, and then
she says “cant I pray for this person
to be the best for me”. This can be asked
for, but this is not very sincere. One should ask Allah Ta’ala a mutlaqan dua that “…Allah Ta’ala, grant me what ever is best and if this
person is best for me grant me this person.”
Conclusion: Why Is Shahwat So Bad?
Because it holds the Ghayrah of
Allah SWT.
Example (1) There’s an
analogy of a woman and she’s married
but the situation is that something things are not available at home. The food
is not enough. The money is not enough. He may not be the best husband in the
world but she’s living with life bearing all the ups and downs. But the day he
looks at somebody else, she’s like I took every thing, I took this and I took
that, but I can’t take you eyeing another woman as a wife. This is something no
woman will take.
Just like this analogy, Allah
Ta’ala is saying okay you have small sins, sometimes you’re delaying prayer,
sometimes you’re lying ,there are a lot of sins that we do but looking at
someone with that level of love and it being excessive for somebody else. This
brings out the Ghayrah of Allah S.W.T. Just like a woman would have her
ghayrah, Allah S.W.T also has his Ghayrah. So what Allah Ta’ala is saying is
that how can you look with love at somebody/thing else with such excessive
attachment. Man’s heart has been made for the love of Allah. And the whole
purpose of our life, after Allah ta’ala putting this Muhabbat in our heart with
the potentialand the capability, is to love Allah. And when one actually goes
and puts their love and channel it into the wrong direction then it is like
calling upon Allah’s ghayrah.
How does a
person control their desires?
Every time shahwat starts, it starts up small. A
scholar says, “When shahwat starts it’s like a small insect in the
beginning, one can kill it very easily, and if you don’t and you let it go
uncontrolled later on it becomes a serpent around one’s neck”. It ruins
one’s life.
Every thing starts up small in the
begining. There’s nobody who hits 40 and says that that I had this problem and
it started at 14 or 13. But kept on saying “…ill do it now and then quit later”
and sometimes they’re old and they still have that problem. It becomes a habit.
And shahwat is something that has no limit.
Example
(1) this is something you’ll see in the west. They fulfill all their shahwat.
They are the most hedonistic and they do anything and every thing and they have
no limits, even then they still have no limits. After doing everything they
want more and more, still more ways to enjoy themselves, more ways to enjoy the
world around them, more ways to enjoy the people around them. Its limitless,
shahwat has no limit and one has to control the habit in the beginning.
And the reward is because it’s
controlled. Example (2) if somebody
is blind and they say that they don’t look at non mehram women.
So when one’s blind it doesn’t matter. One doesn’t get reward for ones majboori. Just like that if a person has no shahwat there’s no concept
of controlling it, thus no thawab. So actually you get rewarded for
something, when you have it and you control it.
The
whole concept of Islamic spirituality is that you sometimes don’t get rid of
these diseases you just learn how to control them. Like anger on a normal
healthy level is fine. Fear on a normal healthy level is fine. Some of these
things we have in hearts if they are on a healthy level it’s fine. And shahwat at
healthy level is fine. It can be controlled. And it becomes and one can make it
into a habit.
Example
(3) lets say a person is used to not having breakfast, very days she
leaves home without eating anything, eventually her body becomes used to not
having breakfast. And then she doesn’t even feel hungry in the morning. So just
like that if a person is used to controlling their shahwat, it becomes a part of their life,
it becomes a habit and they don’t have that desire and they’re used to it. They
get hungry in the middle of the day and the end of the day and that’s enough
for them.
So this
is something when a person controls it they will actually make a habit out of
it.
So how can he control it?
Controlling mentally
Scholars have mentioned two ways:
ü Fiqr
:reflection
ü Zikr:
remembrance
Fikr:
The best thing to reflect upon is ‘DEATH’. In hadith the
prophet s.a.w said:
“The
grave remembers you 70 times during a day”
We should at least remember the grave that
much and there’s another hadith that the prophet s.a.w said,
“If
you knew what you would undergo after death you would never eat or drink with
desire”.
This
is the killer of all desires, it’ll end all desires and this is something to
worry; fiqr about. And also to remember if
I control this now I shall be forgiven, meri maghfirat ho jae gi, akhirat ban
jae gi, I’ll be saved from the hell fire. The more you have that feeling in
our hearts, the desire will be there but you’ll have that ability to stop this
desire.
Example (1) there’s a famous incident that once before
partition there was a young man who used to study in this madrassa in Dehli. At
that time there were pre-partition riots going on in that area. And one evening
a woman was walking by the masjid and
a riot broke out. And she ran into the masjid
to save herself and then it was just her and him in the masjid .It was a small madrassa
mosque and this young guy was sitting there. He asked her to leave and she
said, “no I can’t leave there is a big
riot going on outside”. And the riot continued till the night. And she
said, “Can I just stay here”. And he said it’s okay but just sit over
there. So he sat there and he put his back towards her and he kept reading, and
in olden times they used candles for light and he had candle and he kept on
putting his finger on the candle the whole night. In the morning the riot was
finished so she said, “everything is fine
now I shall go home now, but tell me one thing that why were you putting your
finger on that candle?” he said, “no,
I don’t want to tell you” and she said, “
You have to tell me otherwise I’m not going to go so ” he said, “In the night time I was having the khaya’alat that you
are alone and I’m alone .so when used to think like that I used to put my hand
on the candle so that it will keep reminding me of the jahannum that the fire
of jhannum will be even greater than this.” So she was really impressed and
when she went home, she told her father. The father was a righteous person and
he said okay he’s a good boy so they got happily married. So these stories have
a purpose.
So this is one way to think: to think about death and to think about jahannum,
that will help you control your desire.
Zikr:
When a person has bad thoughts, then generally
the actions follow. The scholars say, “fikr ki ghandagi zikr se door
hoti hai”.
The remembrance
of Allah Ta’ala is actually a polish for the heart; it’s a cleansing agent for
the heart. So if you have a gandagi
in you thinking, and in Islam the focal point of one’s thought is ones heart.
So if one’s heart is clean, one’s thoughts are going to be clean, one’s
feelings are going to be clean, one’s actions are going to be clean. They’re
going to be pure. But if one’s heart is bad, it’s full of gandagi, nijassat and negative thoughts and
negative feelings for people so that will be reflected in what you think. Example So when somebody has a clean heart one thinks of others in a
positive/good way. One doesn’t think badly of people. And when one has dirt, then even if someone isn’t
doing something bad they’ll be thinking that why is she doing this she must have a motive behind this because
ones own heart is negative and thus the thought will also be obviously
negative. The way to get rid of your bad thoughts and your bad feelings is to
cleanse the heart. The more you do remembrance of Allah Ta’ala, the more your
heart will be cleansed.
Thought Traffic Control:
Our human brain is a fascinating thing. In the
whole day one can have so many thoughts. It’s constant traffic; one after the
other after the other. Different thought coming at random times of the day. The
thing is when you have a bad thought. Sometimes it comes unconsciously.
Sometimes you’ll be not even thinking about something bad and some bad thought
will come to your head. Or something about that person or some random thought
about somebody and at that time not to stop but to ignore it. Let it pass. Just
like in traffic control the guys says, “You go”. Let it go.
A scholar
once said, “Just like when you’re angry with somebody you don’t give any attention to
that person”. When
you’re angry you’re thinking I won’t look at that person, I’ll avoid any contact with that person, I
won’t give attention to that person.
So if your
angry with some thought that comes in your mind, don’t
give it attention
and actually shaitaan wants that, shaitaan sees that you are interested in
something or you are giving attention to something, if you’re reading something
and you are interested in something or something you are watching on t.v. lots
of times our sensory perception has a lot of effect on the way we feel and
perceive the world. While watching the media whatever we get stuck at,
sometimes out thoughts will get stuck in that for the whole day and you know
the media is sometimes very dangerous. Example
(1) That’s where you can see at some point in your
life you’ve seen a movie or something accidently on t.v. and that scene will be implanted in
your 10-11 years old brain for life. It was such a drastic scene or something
of that sort.
So this is where your thought traffic has to be
controlled. And one shouldn’t get upset. Sometimes a random thought comes in
your head. If you didn’t bring it and it randomly came in your head let it go
don’t even give it any thought. Just say, “Astaghfirullah…I don’t know from where I even
thought of this.”
The more you think or dwell on it the more it’ll stay and it might lead to
something else. So it is better to let the bad and the random thoughts go.
Not to be Idle:
There’s an English Christian
saying that “an empty
mind is a devils workshop” so
randomly where a person is free, a person is bored at night and think, “okay let me go surf the net”. And surfing, surfing leads to other things too and then “…lemme go talk to somebody on the phone, pick up
somebody’s phone call…”then in things like these lead
to getting trapped.
Not to be Alone:
When a person is alone excessively, this also,
sometimes, can lead to shahwat or a
way that person may not be able to control your shahwat. Not to give oneself an opportunity if there is
some place you shouldn’t go to, and if it encourages these feelings in your
heart, try to avoid those places, if there is a certain company that encourages
these feelings in your heart then to avoid that company and this is really
important as well.
Fitri/natural ways of control
If
Allah Ta’ala has put shahwat in us
he has also put ways to deal with it. These are the ways which are mention
through the Qura’an.
Modesty; Hayaa
Modesty is a comprehensive term;
it doesn’t just mean that it’s a way to dress. It means the way you live your
life. Which includes how you dress, how you walk, how you talk, what type of
relationships you have with people; professionals and otherwise
Example
(1) basically to live one’s life in a way that they don’t attract
negative attention. And this is something about which a girl
might say, “I don’t know what it is but this happens to me”. You must be
doing something to attract that wrong type of attention. You must be saying
something, walking in a certain way, dressing in a certain way. It’s not a
certain look.
Example
(2) Sometimes a girl can be very good
looking but every one knows that this is a
girl you won’t talk to. She’s the type you won’t mess with. In
college such people do get famous. She might be the best looking girl on campus
but every one know that she is not that type of girl to joke around or be that
way. This is very important specially for women she must have hayaa. In
a hadith
the prophet s.a.w said,
“jis ke pass hayaa nahin hoti hai who chahey jo kare.”
Because if one has no hayaa, then everything is
open, nothing is sacred anymore. So actually hayaa is one way to maintain a
normal degree in controlling your shahwat.
Marriage:
Because marriage fulfills a lot of the five shahwat that we
mentioned:
ü of the eyes,
ü of the private area,
ü of the emotions.
So when a person is happily specially married,
this is a natural solution.
And our problem is most of the parents relate to this really late. When things
start getting spoilt, kids reach puberty very early but they are getting
married after 15-20 years. This is a natural solution but we wait so long. And
there is a general principal,
a social principal that were marriage is a
common phenomena, zina is hard. And where zina is a commonly prevailing
concept, marriage is hard. And that’s the type of society we
are living in. that zina has become easy and marriage you have to wait
till you are 23 or 24 or 25. For boys sometimes longer and then even if it’s
too late we need one more year for the marriage preparations itself. So the
real purpose of shaadi is lost. And it just becomes a social fanfare and a big
event. And the actual reason people give is just lost in translation.
Earlier
it was very easy to get married, it comes in a hadith that the prophet s.a.w. met a man
somewhere (some shahabi) and he had some yellow colour on his neck or somewhere
and he said have you gotten married and he said yeah I got married, he got
married in madina that means he didn’t invite the prophet s.a.w.
And we go
like “how can you not invite me, when people actually get cards printed and
this and that” so that was a natural thing and the prophet s.a.w asked did you have a walima? You should have a
walima. Even if it just with a khajoor or something which means one can even have a small walima to celeberate their marriage.
So in the
beginning he, s.a.w. didn’t even know that that person got married. Marriage
was a very common, normal, natural thing, that didn’t need a big fan fare event
and all that informing every one. So this is something in our society that I
personally am a big advocate of getting married young. One should proceed when
there is a Right rishta. And all the other things people have: the money the
this and the maturity etc but if we wait too long one looses the time and kids
get involved in other things and it effects their future married life. So if the best person comes in the best time then marriage is an obvious solution to
controlling shahwat.
Fasting:
It comes in a hadith that the prophet s.a.w. said, “that o young men, if you are able ,get married, other
wise fast”
Doesn’t mean
that you are rich and settled and that you have high level of qualification,
enough that you can support your wife; give her normal shelter, normal food and
clothing or otherwise fast. And this is both equally for men and women because
when you fast, you’re actually making your nafs hungry, you are starving your nafs, and your nafs is actually what leads you to shahwat whether it’s the shahwat of your stomach, of the heart, or of the other
parts. So actually fasting doesn’t mean once or twice a month. Scholars say that if you really want to get rid of the
certain type of shahwat, every
other day. And some say that if someone has a high degree of shahwat then every day. So they can kill this
excessive desire in the heart. And tab’an [20]this
is more in the men.
Lowering The Gaze:
Every one talks about this. It’s also there in the Qur’an. It’s not for just men it’s for the women too
that,
“You lower your gaze.” Al
Qur’an
It comes in a hadith that the prophet s.a.w. once called a young man and he was
sitting there and there came a young Bedouin woman from a neighboring tribe.
The young girl came to ask something and the young boy kept on staring at her.
So the prophet s.a.w with his finger he gently turned the face of the boy. That,
don’t look at this girl.
So here is what you call practical applications in
the life of the prophet. And lowering the gaze is equal for men and women and
many incidents can be related to it.
Scholars
have written that the first sight; the accidental look at some one is forgiven.
Example
(1) Girls know this, there
is a way of looking,
the way that you look at your driver, the way that you look at the chowkidar, the way you look at the person selling
something, and then there’s another way of checking somebody out. That’s the
way that has been mentioned here .i.e. looking in that particular way.
So when it’s
accidental it’s forgiven. Your looking around and you realize o that person is attractive
or cute or something.
And then you should look away. That should be a natural thing but the second
sight is not forgiven. So this is the tricky part. And every thing begins getting spoilt with the
sight. The things one should not look at.
According to Shaykh Ahmed Sirhindi r.a. he says, “whose
eyes are not in control, their heart isn’t in control and whose heart isn’t in
control, their sharm gah isn’t
in control”.
So the eyes put the seed of desire in the heart.
And this is that Example (2) if you see something sometimes a bill board,
or a person about whom you feel that he/she is attractive, then
you want to look at that person again. And nobody knows you did khiyaanat
of the eyes.
No one will be able to tell. Only Allah knows. But if at that time you don’t
look, instead you turn your gaze away which of course takes mujahida. ‘I’m not going to look. I know he is sitting there and I know he is a good
looking guy and I know if I look at him I’m sure he’s looking very nice today
as wel but still l I will not look at him and I will look the other way’ Allah Ta’ala will be raazi with you. And Allah
ta’ala will put halawat-e-imaan [21]in
that person’s heart.
Some scholars
also write that at the time of sin, you can commit a sin and nobody will know,
at that time if you don’t sin and you avoid and you don’t look where you
shouldn’t be looking and make dua at that time. It is time for
qubooliyat-e-dua.
Everybody wants their prayers to be answered, we
can do this hundred times a day. Every time we’re tempted to do something
wrong, which is many times throughout the day, we should not do it, look away
and then make dua.
Example
(3) Once
there was a man, 30 year old and a manager tells his own story, that one time he
was in a meeting and there were all women and he had to make a presentation. And he talked
to them for two hours and he did not look. And that doesn’t mean you’re looking
down, you just have to find creative solutions and creative ways to do it. And he
said, “The next
two days I felt strength in my imaan”.
So when you control you eyes, Allah Ta’ala Gives
one such pleasure in the heart that doing it next time becomes very easy. It’s
just a matter of overcoming it in the beginnig. And it might seem really
difficult but we must do malaamat of our
hearts. Why should I look? I’m not going to look. What will I get by looking?
Just gunnah..
Just talk to yourself. And make yourself not look.
Make it like a challenge for yourself.
People have this bad habit of looking. Men have it
more but the women are just very good at hiding it. It becomes a habit. It’s
not just in younger ages, when a person gets old, they don’t even have any
strength but they still have this bad habit of checking women out. Men say it
themselves, they’ll cry and they’ll say that, “our hair has turned white but the problem of
the youth hasn’t gone.”
Because it’s a habit. They never nipped it in the bud. And the whole Islamic
philosophy of
every thing is to nip the evil in the bud.
If you nip it in the bud even if you are 25- 30 years old. You can
easily walk around in southern France and women wearing bikinis and you won’t
budge. You’ll get slightly upset but you can look down. And men do this. There
are lots of Muslim young boys who do this. If they can do it women can do it
much better. For them they have more things that are jayiz to look at and for men they have more najayiz things to look at. So this is something we
have to make a habit. Like a lifestyle.
Benefits of shahwat control?
Maghfirat:
It comes in a hadith that one is forgiven.
Shahwat tempt’s you; you are tempted to look,
tempted to do something, tempted to think something and if you control it, and
you dominate your nafs; and here the scholars have written that by dominating it means you
think about your nafs.
So that’s also a way to control your nafs. Sometimes you can put your mind somewhere
else, at others work harder; don’t make your self farigh[22]to let yourself think.
Allah will forgive that person. maghfirat ho jaye gi, he’ll be forgiven for all his
previous sins. It is a matter of a very small amount of time. If you’re able to
manage that situation, you’ll be forgiven.
Acceptance Of Dua:
When one
prays at the moment of temptation, it is accepted. (As discussed previously)
Contentment of the Heart:
When one controls ones shahawat, why do you do it? You actually remember Allah. At
that particular moment if you have fear of Allah in your heart, it counts as
remembrance of Allah: zikr , yaad.
“Allah ki yaad se dil ko sukoon milta hia”
Safe guarding against other social evils and problems:
When you nip the evil in the bud, shahwat
is something that if you open a door little bit it’ll open more and more and
more. It’ll enter you into a web of other things. You fulfill one shahwat,
10 other different types of shahwat will manifest themselves. Example:
First time you look once, second time you look two or three times, then you’ll
start fantasizing, then you start wishing and wanting and meeting and sms-ing
and so many other things.
So if it’s controlled in the
beginning it stops one from all that involvement.
Better family life, better children and a better society:
Because when you control your shahwat this is one thing, when you don’t control it affects your
family. Example: there are so many stories, in which the father
of the family has this problem and if effects the children, and they all know
and they’re embarrassed. They can’t even talk about it with anyone. They can’t
even share it with anyone. “My father is
fifty and he has this problem”. They are embarrassed in front of their
friends. So this causes problems in their family life, husband wife problems,
and problems for their children. The evil of badnazri, this effects your own family,and some scholars have said
that zina and anything that leads to zina23,
Allah Ta’Ala takes qasaas .
In Islamic law, qasaas is that if someone kills somebody or hurts somebody,
then you take revenge from family, either blood money or tit for tat type of
stuff. So zina or anything that leads to zina, qasaas happens in this and there
are many episodes that go with this theme.
An episode
Like it is written in
books that in old days, there used to be a jeweler. He narrates his story that
he was a jeweler and had a nice wife etc. He came home one day and his wife was
crying and crying, he asked her about what happened. She said , ‘That boy that
we raised, who came as kid to our place as a servant, we took him in when he
was 7,8 years old and now that he’s grown up, today he’s done such an act that
I never thought he would do that! And now he’s like 17,18 and today I was
giving him some money or some item and he took my hand and he pressed it with
desire! And I had never thought that world has come to this! We can’t trust
anybody!’, so the wife started complaining and the jeweler himself started
crying, crying and crying. She said, ‘why are you crying?’.He said,’ you know
it’s not your fault, it’s my fault. Actually, today when I was at my jeweler
store, a woman came, a very good looking woman, she was trying out some bangles
and she was having difficulty wearing them so asked me for help. and as I was
putting them on, I noticed that she had very beautiful hands so I pressed and
touched her hands in an improper way. So as a punishment for my sin, Allah
Ta’Ala let this happen with my own wife’
So this is something, that when a person does something, he
can’t think that it’s just limited to me, it will affect somebody in his
family! So this is something, if a person wants to safeguard their own family
and children and their own husbands from these things, then they should try to
work on this aspect of their lives as well.
[1] Liked or permissible
[2] Undesired/not permissible
[3] Forbidden by Islamic law
[4] greed
[5] dominant
[6] By Nature/natural inclination.
[8] Modest/reserve
[9] A noble lineage
[10] The Prophet’s nation
[11] To not have another option but that
[12] A reason/ an excuse
[13] relative
[15] shyness
[16] opposition
[17] sinner
[18] Pious/close to piety/pious like
[19] Teaching/lecture
[20] naturally
[21] Sweetness of imaan.
[22] Free, not having to
do anything
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