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Showing posts with label Sunnah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunnah. Show all posts

Friday, June 17, 2016

Spiritual retreat (Ramadan 2016) - Shaykh Kamaluddin Ahmed

Recommended books:
ZUBTADUL FIQH - HAZRAT ZAWAR SHAH (KITAB UL IMAAN)
KITAB UL IMAAN - MAULANA IDREES KANDHALWI
UMDATUL FIQH
IKHTALAF E UMMAT AND SIRAAT UL MUSTAQEEM- MAULANA LUDHIANWI

QASD US SABEEL 

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Sabīl is another word for path; this path of sulūk and tassawuf. Allāh swt says in Qur’ān, ‘wattabi’ sabīla man anāba ilayya...’ which means follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love). Mawlāna Ashraf rahimahullāh uses the word ‘sabīl’ since Allāh swt has also used this word. Qasd means intention; it means the intention to firmly walk on this path of tassawuf and tazkiyah. It means to desire the pleasure and qurb of your Rabb via the teachings of tassawuf and tazkiyah. For the real sālik, understand that this is a manual. Hadrat Thānwi has written a manual for the one who has a serious intent and a firm resolve, not for the one who randomly gave bay’ah, or gave bay’ah for barakah, or due to group dynamics. Maybe that was the initial intention, but now they have qasd; they have a deep and strong intention to want to travel and traverse this path to really become sālih and muttaqī once and for all. That is the purpose of this book



INTRODUCTION: The reality of tarīqat and tassawuf is to act according to sharī’ah. There is one thing called ‘ilm of sharī’ah (i.e. studying sharī’ah through fiqh, hadīth, tafsīr, kalām, ilm ul-aqā’id, usūl etc), but having knowledge of it is one thing, and then acting according to it is another. There may be people who lack the knowledge, but they have a lot of ‘amal, and there may be people who have a lot of knowledge, but lack the ‘amal. The whole purpose of tassawuf and tarīqat is to do ‘amal on sharī’ah; to practise the sharī’ah completely. There is no other objective, no other higher understanding. There is no other goal, no other ‘ilm besides that of sharī’ah. The tips, techniques and methodologies of training (asbāk, awrād, dhikr, wazā’if etc) are there to help us do ‘amal on sharī’ah. From this we realise that there is a gap between ‘ilm and ‘amal. The whole purpose of tassawuf and tarīqat is to bridge the gap between ‘ilm and ‘amal


To be a mujaddid, you must understand the society - you need to have an understanding of the ummah. Hadrat Thānwī rahimahullāh knew where the ummah was going, especially in their understanding of tassawuf - so he mentions that for a long time, there have been some misunderstandings and confusions that presented themselves regarding tassawuf. There were a lot of people who didn’t have the true understanding of tarīqat and tassawuf, so they took some customs and practices of certain saintly people; so what they did was rather than focus on how to follow sharī’ah, they just looked at the random things the Shaykh did. They took the habits, peculiarities and particularities of the Shaykh to be tassawuf. This mean they end up on some type of personality-worship type of tassawuf. So these were some things that needed to be changed. It is not enough to just dress the same as the Shaykh, or to wear the same style turban as the Shaykh – if that is all your tassawuf, it is not going to bring you on ‘amal of sharī’ah. There is no wardrobe that can bring you on the ‘amal of sharī’ah. If there was, it would become the super- hero uniform cape, that you just wear the cape, and you get some super powers – it doesn’t work like that. If you reduce tassawuf solely to some customs and practices, you won’t get the goal. Yes, no doubt, if it is sunnah, it will help us towards our goal and aim



He also says there were certain states and conditions which people thought to be tassawuf. So they thought tassawuf was about certain involuntary spiritual states and conditions. What is meant here is that it wasn’t because of their adoption of taqwā or sunnah that led to these states, but it was involuntary. So, sometimes it happens to people – you will find people in certain spiritual states of ecstasy, and they will also tell you it happened all of a sudden. These random arbitrary occurrences are experienced by some people – and yes, they aren’t lying about it, but that is also not the goal or objective of tassawuf. The aim of tassawuf was to become a person of sharī’ah, sunnah and taqwā. The problem was when a person experiences these certain spiritual ecstasies and states, they enjoy it. There is a great deception in these states. For e.g. in our Naqshbandī Silsilā, if a person experiences these states, then Imām Rabbānī rahimahullāh made it clear that are you going to be ‘Abd ul-Lutf or ‘Abd ul- Latīf? Are you going to do dhikr for the sublime pleasure of it, or for Allāh swt? Imām Rabbānī rahimahullāh also explained that these involuntary spiritual states are incidental for e.g. when you have certain medicines, it has the intended effect and also some side effects – the side effects are irrelevant. Those people who take medicine for the side effects, they’ll become addicted to the medicine like there are people who take opioids (which are to be taken for pain), but they also experience some sort of pleasure and sense of well being as these drugs affect the brain. So they become addicted to this side effect.


Many people start doing things contrary to sharī’ah just to experience these spiritual highs for e.g. they might take some intoxicants, or smoke something just to get these highs. So because they can’t get the spiritual high due to taqwā, sunnah and sharī’ah, they found another way to get it. Some people were doing things against the sharī’ah, they were breaking laws of sharī’ah, and despite this, they still got some feelings. For e.g. they may say I was twirling and dancing and I felt the love of Rasūlullāh ﷺ , or I went to Madīnah Munawwarah and I smoked hash and I felt a lot of love for Rasūlullāh ﷺ . It wasn’t wrong; they may have felt the love this way. But this deluded them to think these ghayr-shar’ī things are okay. The end doesn’t suffice the means. They used the attainment of the end to justify their means



Dreams are the one thing that will never enter your book of deeds. No matter how good a dream you see, you will not even get one good deed for it. You can see a dream that you are on Hajj with Sayyidinā Rasūlullāh ﷺ ., and after doing Hajj, you go to Multazim with him – but this dream will not even give you one good deed in your Book of Deeds. And you might see the most sinful dream (may Allāh swt protect us from nightmares), or you might see yourself doing the most sinful act in your dream, but you won’t even get one bad deed written in your Book of Deeds. This is again a delusion, and because of these delusions, people stopped doing good a’māl. So you have to check – is the person so into dreams and spiritual highs that they don’t read Qur’ān, or make istighfār, or send salawāt to Sayyidinā Rasūlullāh ﷺ . If a person consciously deliberately goes for the absence of a’māl in order to get the presence of ahwāl, then this is a big deception. We have to watch ourselves that we don’t fall into this deception. We must strive for istiqāmah in our a’māl, no matter what ahwāl we are in. There is no hāl that a person can get which makes them an exception to live a life according to sharī’ah



GUIDELINE ONE: SHARI’ĀH AND TARĪQAT 


 The definition of sulūk and tarīqat (more commonly known as tasawwuf), is that a Muslim should adorn his external and internal self with good deeds and abstain from all sins. The main objective is to please Allah subhānahu wata’ālā, and the way to go about doing this is to practice upon all the commands of sharī’ah. Some of these commands are directed at the external self such as salāh, fasting, hajj, zakāt, marriage, divorce, for the spouses to fulfil each other’s rights, taking oaths, paying the penalty for breaking an oath, business, law suits, testimony in court, bequests, dividing inheritance, greeting with salām, speech, eating, sleeping, sitting, standing, being a guest, hosting guests etc. All these laws and masā’il are referred to as Fiqh (Jurisprudence).


Other commands are directed at the internal self such as loving Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā, fearing Him, remembering Him, decreasing one’s love for the world, being pleased with the decree of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā, not being greedy, concentrating in acts of worship, fulfilling the commands of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā sincerely to please Him only, not looking down on others, not being proud or conceited, controlling one’s anger. This good character (akhlāq) is referred to as Sulūk, Tarīqat and Tasawwuf. The ‘ilm of tasawwuf and tarīqat is also part of tasawwuf, but the goal oftTasawwuf is to according to the ‘ilm. We can learn about the best ways of doing things, but are we acting according to that? Making a person do ‘amal is part of tasawwuf and tarīqat. Hadrat Thānwī rahimahullāh talks about both zāhir and bātin knowledge. ‘Ilm uz-zāhir is known as fiqh, and ‘ilm ul-bātin is known as tasawwuf.


Moreover, showing great importance to purifying the self of spiritual maladies and bad akhlāq is even more necessary due to the fact that these spiritual maladies affect the external actions. For example, if one does not have true love for Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā, it will lead to laziness with regards to salāh or he will perform rukū’ (bowing) and sujūd (prostrating) quickly, without giving it its due right, or he will become stingy due to which he will not discharge his zakāt, or he will not have the courage to perform hajj, or he will oppress others due to pride or the inability to control his anger. In short, sharī’ah and tarīqat are not two separate things. Rather, practicing upon all the external and internal commands of sharī’ah properly and completely is called tarīqat. Imām Abū Hanīfah rahimahullāh has defined Fiqh in such a way that both the external commands as well as the internal commands of sharī’ah are included in the definition



We can also understand these definitions to be different from one another, yet intertwined and inter-reliant, by means of the following example; Salāh is a separate form of worship and fasting is a separate form of worship. A man’s hand is a limb separate from his foot. The eye is one thing and the ear is another and, likewise, the heart and liver are two distinctly different and separate organs. However, in order to form a complete human being, all the limbs and body parts are needed. None of them can be isolated as important to the exclusion of the rest. The latter ‘ulamā, for pedagogical, methodological and educational purposes, they separated these two components simply to make it easy for people to get both. The human being is the summation of all the separate limbs, and similarly sharī’ah is a combination of both fiqh and tasawwuf



There are people like this who claim they no longer need to pray or fast because they’ve reached a certain rank and feel they are spiritually accomplished. They claim their bātin is pure, but their zāhir wasn’t since they are leaving compulsory acts, hence accumulating great sin. If someone’s sharī’ah is not pure, then it’s not possible for the bātin to be pure. An absence of even one sunnah is a weakness in the bātin. Every single state that the Qur’ān and Sunnah does not talk about is false. The Qur’ān and Sunnah talk about love for Allāh swt, tawakkul, tafwīd etc., but if there is some condition a person claims they are in and it isn’t mention anywhere in Qur’ān and Sunnah, then that state and ecstasy is false.

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It means there is no spirituality beyond the spirituality of Sayyidinā Rasūlullāh ﷺ - anything beyond the sunnah is false. There were many conditions and spiritual states mentioned about Nabī ﷺ – Hadrat ‘Ā’isha radiyaAllāhu ‘anhā mentions his heart was always in the state of dhikr; he was remembering Allāh swt all the time. What does this mean? It means since we are his ummah, and in the Qur’an, is mentioned;
Laqad kāna lakum fī rasūlillāhi uswatun hasanah liman kāna yarjullāha wal-yawma al-ākhirawa dhakara Allāha kathīra You have indeed in the Messenger of Allāh swt a good example to follow for anyone whose hope is in Allāh & the final Day, and who engages much in the remembrance of Allāh subhānahu wat’ālā [33:21]So what we learn is sharī’ah = tarīqat, and tarīqat is subsumed under sharī’ah. 
There is no way something could be harām in sharī’ah, and at the same time, it is halāl in tarīqat. Everything must be compliant to the sharī’ah


GUIDELINE TWO: TAWBAH 

 So before one moves forwards, one has to get rid of all the baggage that is holding them down from their past. Why is tawbah the first step? Because the purpose of this path is to act according to sharī’ah, then a person should seek repentance for all the times they violated sharī’ah

The first step is to fulfil any outstanding rights. They should particularly and especially take care of the rights they owed to other fellow slaves of Allāh swt. So you should either fulfil the rights you owe others, or if this isn’t possible, then you need to seek their forgiveness and ask them to waive the rights you owe them. Until and unless a person does this, even if they spend their whole life in worship and spiritual struggles, they will never be able to get the qurb of Allāh swt. The reason huqūq ul-‘ibād is stressed is because repenting to Allāh swt is relatively easy; it can even be instant, but if a person has a lot of problems, or outstanding issues, or sinful relations or sinful oppression, or sinful obstruction, or sinful usurping of the someone’s wealth, then it isn’t that easy to make up; it isn’t instant. Hadrat Thānwi rahimahullāh has another great book called ādāb ul-muāsharat (Etiquettes of Social Life), in which he actually specifically mentioned the etiquette of how to interact with people in every aspect of interpersonal dealings, so that you are safeguarded from ending up in this mess and doing those sins in the first place. Preventive measure is much better than trying to cure yourself once you fall into it.

 Book link to ādāb ul-muāsharat: [English] (http://ia800307.us.archive.org/16/items/EtiquettesOfSocialLifeByShaykhAshrafAliThanvir.a/EtiquettesOfSocialLifeB yShaykhAshrafAliThanvir.a.pdf) 

 The meaning and method of tawbah: 

Tawbah is not done by just saying “Tawbah, tawbah!” or “Astagfirullāh!” Rather, there are three essential elements of tawbah. The first is that one should feel remorse, regret and there should be a feeling of restlessness, sadness and grief in the heart regarding all the sins one has committed in the past. Secondly, one should actually abandon those sins immediately. Thirdly, one should have a firm resolution never to return to any of those sins again.


Sometimes, it does happen that a person returns to that sin even if they had these three things. They may have truly felt sad and regret, they immediately stopped and they had an intention never to return to this sin again, but at some point in the future, they slipped and they returned back into that sin. So what does it mean? It doesn’t mean the first tawbah was wrong; it doesn’t mean they were untrue – but it means they were weak. They weren’t strong enough yet in dīn to pull themselves out of it – so they have to make tawbah again, and they have to do more tazkiyah. They have to realise that my nafs is still stronger than me; I want out, but I cannot get out. It is just like an exam – you don’t want to fail, but if you do, you have to take it again. You can’t take it again just like that, but you have to change something about yourself. It’s called studying – you have to study more, you have to study better. Now, if someone studies more and better, and they still fail, then they could give it up, or they again could change something about themselves. They have to work even more on themselves; they have to work even harder on themselves. It is the same thing with the battle of the nafs. The failure of tawbah can sometimes be a weakness in any of the three things, or you may even have true sincerity in all three, but you may just be too weak to stay away from the sin. So, you have to make yourself stronger (this will come later in the text). There are ‘ibādāt, adhkār, extra nafl salāhs, extra fasts – there are things in the dīn to make a person stronger like for e.g. when Nabī ﷺ told the young men to fast if they cannot get married, as it will help suppress their desires.


The first essential element – feeling regret, remorse and sadness in the heart regarding all past sins – cannot be achieved without knowledge. One first needs to know which deeds are considered to be major sins and which are minor sins. He also needs to know what the repercussions of these sins are, both in this world and the hereafter. The aforementioned points can also be read in this humble servant’s book “Gunāh e be-lazzat” (Pleasureless Sins) as well as books written by other senior scholars such as “Baheshti Zewar”, “Jazā’ul-A’māl”, “Ta’līm ud-Dīn”, “Hayāt ul-Muslimīn”, “Tablīgh-e-Dīn”.

 The second essential element is the immediate abandonment of all sins. This cannot be done without courage and courage cannot be developed without spending time in the company of pious, righteous people, reading and listening to their biographies and the difficulties they went through (while treading the path of tasawwuf).

Another important thing here is that it also gives us a niyyah (an intention) for suhbah (being in good company). The intention isn’t just barakah or qurb, it isn’t just muhabbah or mahbūbiyyah. The niyyah is this – I sit by the fire, not because I want to be loved by the fire, or I want to be beloved to the fire, not because I love the fire, not just for the sake of being near to the fire, I have one reason to sit by the fire and that is that I need the heat and the warmth of the fire. If you go with the intention, you will get more. You will get more of the heat when you sit more by the heat, but if you sit out of habit, or show, or for identity, or for love and endearment, then you will get less of the heat.


Wa tawāsaw bil-haqqi wa tawāsaw bis-sabr ... and join together in the mutual teaching of truth and join together in the mutual teaching of patience' 

So you’re supposed to help one another. Sometimes by outwardly helping, you secretly get inspired. Sometimes it might happen that you realise that you have a friend who you saw on campus lowering his gaze, and he doesn’t even know that you saw him, but you silently happen to pass by and because of him, you got himmah. You got encouragement, you got motivation, and you got inspiration. You feel more shame – if he can do it, why can’t I do it?

The third essential element is to have a firm intention never to return to any of these sins again. This is within the control of each person. He can do this all the time, but courage is the key to every action. In this regard too, he will have to make an unwavering resolution that he will fulfil the commands of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā and Rasūlullāh ﷺ . Regardless of how much difficulty he has to put himself through, no matter how much harm will come to his life or wealth, no matter how much he will lose out in this world, and no matter how many people badmouth and chide him, he must promise himself that he will bear it all, but he will not stop obeying Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā and Rasūlullāh ﷺ . wata’ālā. Unless one makes an absolute and complete intention and resolve, they won’t succeed.

So what is our problem? We say we don’t want to do this sin again, but at the same time, we don’t want to lose out on ‘this’, we don’t want to lose out on ‘that’ – we try to think of some way of holding onto the benefits we were getting via those sins at the same time as leaving the sin. You have to be willing to take a hit; you have to be willing to take a fall; you have to be willing to lose the benefit; you have to be willing to lose from people; you have to be willing to go through that process; you should be willing to do whatever it takes - no matter what - to not go back to that sin.


This is a mark of the tālib sādiq (a true seeker) that they truly sincerely have this desire for Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā, that ‘O’ Allāh, I want You and I could leave everything for You; I want to be Your slave – I am willing to sacrifice anything, endure any embarrassment, tolerate any trouble just to be Yours. I have gone against You for too long, and now I am willing to do anything just to be Yours.’ You have to make this intention again and again.

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FULFILLING THE RIGHTS DUE TO OTHERS 

If you study the books mentioned above, you will learn that some sins only entail breaking the rights of Allah subhānahu wata’ālā and no human being is harmed by these sins at all. Others are such that our fellow man is harmed by our wrong doings.

The first type is called “huqūq-ullāh” (the rights of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā) and the second type is called “huqūq ul-‘ibād” (the rights of our fellow man). Huqūq-ullāh are further divided into those right, which one needs to repay (make qadhā of) such as salāh, or someone hasn’t paid his zakāt in the past and will have to calculate the outstanding amount and repay it now, or Hajj became compulsory upon someone but he still hasn’t gone, so he will have to go as soon as possible, or someone took an oath and broke it, but hasn’t paid the penalty (kaffārah) yet, so he will have to fulfil the applicable penalty.

The second type of huqūq-ullāh are such that there is no stipulated penalty in the sharī’ah, for example telling lies, breaking the commands of sharī’ah by fulfilling one’s illicit desires etc. The only way to make up for these sins is to keep on crying to Allah subhānahu wata’ālā sincerely and seeking forgiveness.It is compulsory to repay or pay the stipulated penalty for all those sins which fall into the first category of huqūq-ullāh for which there is a fixed penalty or which have to be repaid. In other words, one has to ponder deeply and make a note of all the salāh, which one has missed throughout his life and all the fasts that were not kept and then they have to be performed. If one has missed a large amount of salāh, he should start performing the missed salāh daily as he gets time and courage, and keep on doing so every day until it is complete.

Similarly, if one has not discharged zakāt for a number of years, he should estimate how much zakāt he has withheld and immediately start paying it back bit by bit.Likewise, if one did not pay sadaqat ul-fitr or do qurbānī, even though it was compulsory for him to do so, he will have to give the sadaqat ul-fitr as well as the equivalent value of the qurbānī, which he owes in charity as soon as possible. Similarly, if he broke an oath, he will have to fulfil the stipulated penalty and if he intentionally broke a compulsory fast, he will have to repeat the broken fast together with stipulated penalty for breaking it.



Similarly, one needs to pay back whichever other huqūq-ullāh have to be repaid and one has to pay the penalty for whichever of these rights have a stipulated penalty. As long as one has not repaid all these rights, merely making verbal tawbah will never suffice. All this being mentioned isn’t just for our knowledge – the point is we have to do these things as part of our tawbah. The true seeker will sit down and figure all these things out, and will start making up for all of this, one step at a time. One should also make du’ā to Allāh subhānu wata’ālā for those sins that cannot be made up and say, yā Allāh, if there was a stipulated penalty or qadhā for these sins (for e.g. lustful glances, sins related to the nafs), I would pay it, but since there isn’t, please forgive me. Maybe the kaffārah for it is that the eyes with which you glanced at someone with lust, with them very same eyes, you shed tears for Allāh’s sake, you pray Qur’ān, you look at the a’bah etc


Huqūq ul-‘ibād 

The second type of rights are those of one’s fellow man – huqūq ul-‘ibād. This type is also divided into two categories. The first is financial rights. For example, if one borrowed money from someone and hasn’t repaid him yet or one signed a contract which had a financial implication and has yet to pay it, or one has stolen money from someone else or taken a bribe from him or any other financial right for that matter, he should draw up a list of all these outstanding debts and repay them. If one can’t pay them all immediately, he should start paying them off in manageable amounts. If the debtors are still alive and one has their contact details, it is easy to repay their rights. However, if they have passed away, one should look for their heirs and hand the money over to them. However, if one still can’t find them or their heirs despite trying one’s best, the amount owed to them should be given in charity on their behalf.


If you applied for financial aid at a university and you lied, and you deliberately did not disclose all your parents assets truly, since there was no way they would have given you that financial aid, then you violated the rights of that institution. That is how much a tawbah a person should want to make – it depends how far you want to go. If somebody wasn’t eligible for zakāt, and they tried to list themselves as if they were of a lower income bracket to get some concession from zakat, then that is also a problem. If somebody lied in some way to get a scholarship, and it was an absolute clear outright lie that if the scholarship committee knew, they would have never given you that scholarship, then that is also a problem. I don’t know how far to take it – it depends how far tawbah you want to make. If a person lied in their résumé and CV to get a job based on falsely presented credentials, then one can question that salary. If a person worked in a bank, then one can question that salary.


The second category of huqūq ul-‘ibād is physical rights. For example, if one has harmed anyone verbally or physically without a reason which sharī’ah has deemed valid like swearing at someone, backbiting someone etc. it is necessary to go and ask him or her for forgiveness. If one has hit or kicked someone else, he should be prepared for that person to take revenge by telling him that he has the option of either retaliating or forgiving him.

One easy way to get these type of huqūq ul-‘ibād forgiven is that you forgive others. The more you forgive others, the easier it is for others to forgive you. If you go round trying to get others to forgive you, but you yourself have grudges in your heart, then it will be difficulty. You will find someone who may not forgive you. Our dīn teaches us the sunnah of Nabī ﷺ, ‘wal-‘āfīna ‘an in-nās – and pardon all men...’

We should forgive others – we should even forgive people even without them asking. That is what dīn teaches. That is why Nabī ﷺ told Hadrat Anas radiyAllāhu ‘anhu to take out any bad feeling for anybody that you may have morning and evening. You should make intention at least once every night before sleeping that yā Allāh, I forgive all the huqūq ul-‘ibād that anybody may have over me. Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā will make it easy for you to get forgiven by others, but you have to find them. When you find them, you don’t have to necessarily tell them what exactly you did for e.g. that “I did your ghībah at this time and this time with these these words and these these sentences, and in such and such a tone – so you can do ghībah of me if you want.” No – it doesn’t work like that. You can just generally say that if you have any rights over me or if I have any rights over you, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we forgave each other. If they give a slight nod, you are definitely forgiven. If they say ‘whatever’, maybe even then you are forgiven. Anything other than a ‘no’ is a yes. That is one view. If they are silent, even then you are forgiven. However, a more harsh and strict view is that until they actually say something or indicate somehow that they have forgiven you, only then you are forgiven.


Tawbah will not be complete until all the above-mentioned rights are paid back and settled in the explained manner. Furthermore, no matter how much effort one makes throughout his life in nafl, ibādat, dhikr, spiritual exercises etcetera, neither will it ever reach Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā, nor will he be treading the straight path until his tawbah is complete. In short, it is a precondition for the validity of one’s tawbah to either pay back all the huqūq-ullāh and huqūq ul-‘ibād he owes or have them waived and forgiven.

He doesn’t mean it wont have any effect, but it wont be able to bring you all the way to the qurb (nearness) and radā (pleasure) of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā as these outstanding huqūq ul-‘ibād will remain an impediment and a hindrance. You’ll be stuck. You keep doing the nawāfil and dhikr – and one can hope that the increased nawāfil and dhikr will increase your himmah (strength and courage) to follow up and follow through on all these tawbahs. The increased dhikr and nawāfil may make us more beloved to Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā and He may inspire the hearts of others to forgive us – so there is a connection. But this itself on its own cannot be a form of taw bah.



GUIDELINE THREE: SEEKING KNOWLEDGE OF DEEN

Once one has, in accordance with guideline two, repented sincerely from all previous sins and made a firm resolution that he will adhere to the commands of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā and Rasūlullāh ﷺ , and that he will tolerate whatever difficulty, worldly loss or taunting comes his way, it is obvious that he will not be able to do all of this without acquiring the necessary knowledge of dīn. For this reason, it is crucial for him to seek as much basic knowledge of the laws of sharī’ah and masā’il as he would need in his daily life. This can either be done by reading books or by asking the ‘ulamā. For an easy read in the Urdu language, one can refer to the books of my Shaykh, Hadrat Hakīm ul-Ummah rahimahullāh , such as “Baheshti Zewar (Heavenly Ornaments)” and “Baheshti Gohar” (Heavenly Gems)” and study them bit by bit under the supervision of the ‘ulamā, or even study them by oneself. One may also read Hadrat’s treatises “Safāi-e-Mu’āmalāt (Dirt-free Dealings)”, “Ādāb ul-Mu’āsharat (Etiquettes of Social Life)” and the third chapter of “Miftāh ul-Jannah (The Key to Jannah)”, which contain more than enough information regarding our daily religious needs. 
Book link to safāi-e-mu’āmalāt: [Urdu] http://pdf9.com/read-online-safai-muamlat-id-4825.html


 There are some basic laws you need to know based on whatever situation you are in. If you work for a company, you need to know the shar’ī masā’il on how to work in a company. If you are a husband, you need to know the shar’ī masā’il on how to be a husband. If you are a parent, you need to know the shar’ī masā’il on how to be a parent. Whatever situation you are in, you need to know what the masā’il e shar’ī regarding that situation. That is what it means by ‘according to your needs’

Whilst learning, a person must always have a firm intention to implement and practise that which they learn. Why? There are two things that prevent people from making ‘amal even if they have ‘ilm and have made the intention of tawbah. These are the nafs (desires of the soul) and the second is when you are worried about what people will say. These are two big things. How does one get out of these two things? ‘Irādah. Ultimately, it will be about a person’s willpower, firmness, determination and resolve.

 After Ramadān, the fasting and tarāwīh will go away, so start doing those a’māl, which you can continue after Ramadān. It is the istiqāmah you have on the continuing a’māl that crush the nafs. The regular medicine crushes the cancer; the regular medicine in consistent doses crushes the illness; its those regular a’māl that will crush the nafs. This is why Rasūlullāh ﷺ has said, “The best actions are those which are consistent, even if they are small.” The most beloved actions to Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā are those that you do most regularly, even if they are a few. Sometimes, we make a huge schedule for ourselves, but we can’t sustain it. Start with a few things that you do most regularly and that will have a big impact on your nafs than doing large things less regularly. Few things that you do most regularly will have more effect on the nafs, and many things less regularly will have less effect on the naps.

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GUIDELINE FOUR: THE NEED FOR A MURSHID AND HOW TO RECOGNISE A TRUE SHAYKH

One generally needs a teacher from whom one can learn the external practices of Islām as well as the masā’il regarding them. It would not be correct to learn these things without a teacher. However, there is an even greater need for a teacher from whom one can learn the internal (spiritual) practices of Islam.


For the outward ‘amal (sharī’ah), the masā’il are generally, by custom, learnt with a teacher. Without a teacher, it isn’t possible – that is because you may read something and not understand it. Even as something as basic as fiqh of tahārah and salāh, something as basic as zubdat ul-fiqh and behisiti zewar, you might misunderstand something, or you might try apply to it to a particular situation or circumstance, and you might not do this correctly. Anybody who has studied basic fiqh with a teacher will know it was much more beneficial with a teacher than going through it by yourself. For the a’māl e bātin (hayā, sabr, shukr etc), there are some states that are mandatory, and some that are actually prohibited or disliked. These are the things that are explained in tasawwuf and tarīqat. To learn these things, to acquire the knowledge of these things is, and to practise and implement it, one would need a teacher all the more. In the terminology of tasawwuf, such a teacher is known as shaykh, pīr or murshid. Shaykh and Murshid are Arabic terms, and pīr is a Persian term. Murshid comes rushd; it is an ism fā’il from the masdar ‘irshād’, which means someone who guides a person and helps a person. Guidance is Qur’ān and Sunnah. The map is the Qur’ān and Sunnah, and the shaykh is the one who helps us navigate that map, to guide us according to the map.


d. As an example, lets take ‘hasad’ – you might not know now what it is, unless you are trained to know what it is. Second is to accept you have envy inside of you - you may not be able to acknowledge that. Many times, a letter would be written about some bātinī feeling, and the student wouldn’t be sure of what it means. Sometimes a shaykh would write back that you are just fine. Sometimes the student might write he is fine, and the shaykh may reply that you aren’t. Sometimes, a person presents himself or herself as ill, and the shaykh diagnoses them as ill. Sometimes, a person presents himself or herself as healthy, and the shaykh diagnoses them as ill. Sometimes, a person presents himself or herself as ill, and the shaykh diagnoses them as healthy. Self-diagnosis is difficult. Even if someobody may understand what hasad/envy is, and they also correctly and accurately diagnose themselves, still sometimes they need help and guidance on how to get rid of that envy. If not help/guidance, then they need a push. They need to be in a system that is moving them out away from the envy. Otherwise, a lot of us can co-exist with sin.

This is the problem – the nafs is inside us, so it is easy to co-exist with sin. It has become increasingly easy over time to co-exist with sin – whether it’s the sin of envy, of lust, of greed etc. Any sin. It will co-exist with our spiritual self - with our salāh, our tilāwah, with our ‘ilm, with niqābs, with our turbans, with our sunnah – all of this can co-exist with sin. That means we are too acquainted and too comfortatble with sin. The sins are engrained in us; this means we need something external. We need some external motivation, external push, and an external force; otherwise if most of us are left to ourselves, we can sin alongside doing things in our dīn.



It is not like they’ll be able to continue practicing dīn with istiqāmāh – they’ll have some type of loss. If they misdirect their gaze regularly, surely and maybe gradually, but inescapably, they will lose something in their dīn. They might start missing salāh with jamā’ah, or they might start snapping at people. Before, they may only have had the sin of lust, and now the sin of greed shows up, although normally, they may not have been a greedy person. By temperament, they weren’t greedy at all, but the problem is they didn’t get rid of the sin of lust. It is like cancer – the cancer will spread unless it is treated. If it is not treated, it will not be contained – so this is what happens. Even if a person has understanding and diagnosis, they still need help in curing themselves from that sin.


The signs of a Shaykh-e-Kāmil 

A Shaykh-e-Kāmil is one in whom the following qualities can be found:

1. He has enough knowledge of dīn (as would allow him to fulfil his basic obligations). 

He should know at least as much knowledge as is required. Strictly speaking, being an ‘ālim of dīn is not required to be a shaykh. Two famous examples from this silsilā would be Hadrat Thānwī’s own shaykh, Hadrat Hājī Imdādullāh Muhājir Makkī rahimahullāh, and also one of his foremost khulafā, Dr ‘Abd ul-Hay ‘Ārifī rahimahullāh. Neither of them was a formally trained and certified madrasah graduate type of scholar. However, they had an understanding of Qur’ān and Sunnah. They had an understanding of what was tazkiyah, what was tawbah; they had an understanding of what was dhikr and adhkār, hence that was sufficient for them to be able to help and guide people on the path of tazkiya.

2. His aqīdah, actions and habits are all in conformity with the sharī’ah. 

Hadrat Thānwī was writing at a time when the Deoband movement was being formed, so their principles and tenets of belief, their practise and habits, it must all be according to the sharī’ah.

3. He is not greedy for the things of the dunyā and does not claim to be kāmil as this is also a branch of dunyā.

 He should not have love for money, and should not be greedy for worldly accumulation. Normally, we just understand dunyā in terms of monetary, financial, property assets and gain, but he says that one aspect of dunyā is also a claim to be perfect. A person should not claim to be kāmil, nor view themselves to be kāmil. Why? Because this is also a branch of the dunyā. What he means is that this is one aspect of fame – so dunyā isn’t just about monetary acquisition, but it is also about fame and recognition.


4. He has spent time in the company of a Shaykh-e-Kāmil himself. 

There were some people who came to Hadrat Thānwī for 10 days, for 40 days, for two weeks – there are many stories, but obviously those people were seriously already sālihīn muttaqīn, sahib-e-adab, sahib-e-‘ilm, sahib-e-tahajjud.

5. Level-headed, unprejudiced ‘ulamā and pious people, who are his contemporaries, consider him to be a good person. 

These are people who aren’t partisans – it means they are accepting of any silsilā. Hadrāt Thānwīs temperament was like this. They also should view the shaykh in a favourable light. An ‘ālim or a sufī shaykh who is not bay’ah to that person should view him to be a good person – you can consider this like a third party independent evaluation.

 6. He should have more elite followers (in other words, learned and pious people) than laymen. 

You cannot judge a shaykh based on his popularity with the masses; rather, you have to judge his acceptance amongst those who are on dīn (people who are on some level of ‘amal), and those who are of understanding, wisdom and experience (sensible people)




7. The majority of his murīds should adhere to the sharī’ah and have no desire for the dunyā.

 Those who have been murīd for some time, the majority of them should then be living a life, which is according to sharī’ah, and they should not be having desire for the world. The proof is in the pudding – if the company of the shaykh is having an effect that people who join him and spend some time, their level of ‘amal and sharī’ah goes up, and their attraction to the world goes down, then that is a sign of a kāmil shaykh.

8. He should teach and guide his murīds with all his heart and truly desire their reformation, and if he sees or hears of anything bad that they have done, he should reprimand them immediately. 

He should not leave his murīds to do as they please. The shaykh tries to train the murīd with an open dedicated heart, with the best of his efforts. The shaykh should truly desire that their islāh and tazkiyah is done – his effort, goal and dream should be to bring the students on the path of taqwā and tazkiyah.

9. One should feel that his love for Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā increases and his love for the dunyā decreases after spending just a few days in the company of this shaykh. 

By staying with him a few days, the person should feel in their heart that their love for dunyā has declined and love for Allāh has increased.

10. He should do dhikr and spiritual exercises himself, because, without a firm intention to practice, one will not benefit from what he is taught. 

The shaykh should have done the dhikr himself. He will not be able to benefit in the transmission of those teachings, which he did not practise himself. If someone possesses these qualities, don’t look at whether or not he does any karamāt (miracles), or whether or not he knows hidden or future occurrences, or whether or not his every du’ā is accepted, or whether or not he can do miraculous things with his inner power, because it is not necessary for a shaykh or walī to possess these abilities


That person who has the aforementioned signs, that is sufficient. Here, Hadrat Thānwī isn’t denying karamāt, but that is not part of the training, nor a requirement, nor is it part of the efficacy. Karamāt are those miracles given to non-anbiyā’. There is a certain but limited function and value to tawajjuh and bātinī quwwat. It is not even necessary to get this inner power. Three centuries before him, Imām Rabbānī, Mujaddid Alf Thānī wrote the same thing; even the Brahmins, Yogis and Gurus can do this. There are even stories where there was a claim a Hindu was giving tawajjuh to the speakers during a debate, and Mawlānā Saharanpurī was informed to cast tawajjuh back – and there was a battle of the tawajjuhs between the Aryahs and the Muslims meanwhile. Aryahs claimed to be monotheistic Hindus, and they used this concept to convince the Hindus to stay Hindu and not move to Christianity and Islam.So what does it mean? Hadrat Thānwī is telling you that a non-Muslim can do this.

The best I‘ve been able to understand this is let’s say for example, lets take your physical body. A non-Muslim can workout and get physical muscle strength; just like that, a non-Muslim who stays away from sin (although they don’t do it for the sake of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā) - just like a non-Muslim who gives charity, but they are atheist, and so he doesn’t do it for the sake of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā.Hadrat Thānwī rahimahullāh writes in another book that a shaykh should not give so much tawajjuh to the murīd, to the point where the murīd becomes dependent on this tawajjuh. The murīd will end up in a delusion – they will think they have ended up on some spirituality, but it isn’t their own. They will be tricked – he wasn’t suggesting that the shaykh is trying to trick the murīd, but he is saying this will end up happening without him realising. Some people feel high spiritually with tawajjuh, but then fall right back. What does it mean? Tawajjuh is only a temporary thing. Just like the jumpstart concept; the second you take off the jumper cables, the engine of the old car goes back to being the engine of the old car. It is not enough. The heightened spirituality that a person experiences due to the tawajjuh of the shaykh is a temporary short-lived thing. It is supposed to just push them to become a dhākir sālik. That was what happened classically – the murīd would got the shaykh, and spend a few days to get a boost – and then they would go make their own effort afterwards. It’s not much very different from the concept of Ramadān. In this month, Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā gives us a boost, but our problem is that we go right back to how we were in Shawwāl. What is supposed to happen was the boost of Ramadān was supposed to raise us to at least maintain us. Our spirituality wasn’t meant to go back to how it was before Ramadān. Every year Ramadān comes up to raise us, and we go flat. Every salāh raises us, and we go flat before the next one even comes.



GUIDELINE FIVE: THE PURPOSE OF PĪRĪ-MURĪDĪ 

When one finds a shaykh-e-kāmil and wishes to become his murīd, one should first understand what the objective of becoming a murīd is because people have many ulterior motives when it comes to this. Some do it so that they can perform karāmāt (miracles) or so that, through kashf, they can know things that others don’t know. From the third guideline, we have just learned that it is not even necessary for the shaykh to perform karāmāt or get kashf of unseen things that others don’t know, so where can the poor murīd ever hope for such things? Some people think that, by becoming a murīd, his shaykh is responsible for his forgiveness and that he won’t go to Jahannam on the Day of Judgment no matter how terrible the sins that he perpetrates are. This is also completely wrong. Even Rasūlullāh ﷺ told his beloved daughter, Fātimah (radiyAllāhu ‘anhā): “O’ Fātimah! Save yourself from the fire!” In other words, do good deeds (and abstain from sins).

 Some also think that the shaykh will make them kāmil by just glancing at them and that they will neither have to make any effort, nor give up any sins. Love of the shaykh, love for the shaykh, love from the shaykh, and company of the shaykh – she had all of that with the Prophet ﷺ, but he still told her that you, yourself, will have to save yourself from the Fire of Hell. This means that you will have to practise on the teachings of dīn

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If that was the case, the sahābah would not have had to do a single thing. Who can be more kāmil than Rasūlullāh ﷺ? Though there have been instances where a certain pious man has done this as a form of karāmāt, it does not mean that this karāmāt occurs all the time, nor does every walī perform this karāmāt. To have hope and think that, ‘this will happen to me’ (and thus sit back and do nothing) is a grave error. To say that one should go into an ecstatic state of spirituality, jump around making a big noise, shouting Allāhu Akbar, sins should leave on their own, the desire to sin should just disappear, that one does not have to even make an intention to do good deeds but that they should be done involuntarily, that the whisperings of shaytān and all apprehension should disappear on its own, and that one should be in a perpetual state of oblivion... although it is better than all the aforementioned opinions, it is a sign of ignorance and misinformation.


All the above-mentioned occurrences are called “kayfiyāt” and “hālāt” and are beyond the ambit of man’s control. Although these hālāt are very wonderful, they are not the objective. Something can only be an objective if it can be attained through one’s own efforts and volition. Deep reflection brings us to the conclusion that the nafs has a sinister plan behind all these desires. Upon deep analysis, it is clear it a ploy of the nafs if one wants to experience all these states and conditions. When hāl comes in, nafs knows it can stay.

When kayfiyāt come in, nafs knows it can stay. The nafs tries to divert a person to that dīn and tasawwuf which won’t affect it. Just like some of the youth at university, the nafs might divert a person to activism, conferences and late- night sessions over the problem of the ummah. The nafs knows he can have a conversation regarding the problems of the ummah until 1am, at the expense of his Fajr. What you consider separation and union (with the beloved) are both equal. To desire from Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā anything besides Him is lamentable. Wasl is the intihā of qurb (as much qurb a person can get without obviously becoming one with Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā). The poet here is saying wasl (union) and farq (separation) is your own self-made understanding – they are both actually equal to each other. All you need is for Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā to be pleased with you.

 As an example, if you spend a day in which your whole 24 hours were according to sunnah and sharī’ah, then that means you have attained the pleasure of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā. You don’t need to feel something which you deem ‘wasl’. Rather than tracking your own mythical concept on whether you have wasl or farq with Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā, you should see whether you have wisāl or firāq on the path of His pleasure. If you feel you have wasl with sharī’ah, it means you have the pleasure of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā. If you have firāq with sharī’ah, meaning you are distant from it, or you’re violating it, going against it, it means you don’t have the pleasure of Allāh subhānahu wata’āl.



Furthermore, such a person (who has the wrong understanding) will surely face one of two situations, because he will either experience these kayfiyāt or not. If he does, he will think he is kāmil, as his understanding of tasawwuf was that he has to experience these things in order to be kāmil. As a result, he will become negligent regarding taqwā and ‘ibādāt and if he does not think that he does not need ‘ibādāt, he will definitely trivialize its importance. However, if he does not experience it, he will die of depression and despair. Some say ‘my shaykh has some very good ‘amal so I will just fetch a ta’wīz from him if need be’, or ‘My shaykh’s du’ās are readily accepted so, if I have any court cases or worldly problems, I will just go to him to make du’ā for me and all my work will pan out just as I want it to’. It is as though they deify their shaykh. That is a kind of inner shirk since they were supposed to turn to Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā. They will start attributing divine help to their shaykh. Some murīds think that they will become blessed people to such an extent that others will get cured if they just blow on them or if they merely pass their hands over them. In fact, such people think that these actions and their effects constitute piety. Since this has nothing to do with piety and their intention itself is tantamount to desiring the dunyā, it is just one blunder after the next. Some think that the benefit of doing dhikr and doing spiritual exercises is that you will start to see some nūr. This is also completely erroneous and ridiculous, because, firstly, it is not necessary for one to start seeing nūr or hearing voices when he does dhikr and spiritual exercises, nor is seeing such nūr etc. the objective of dhikr and spiritual exercise. Some people want a spiritual regimen, which will result in them seeing lights and hearing voices. This isn’t necessary, nor is it the purpose of dhikr. Imām Rabbānī rahimahullāh says if you want to see lights, then you should go see a light show. Go watch a laser light show; if this is what you want, then there are better ways to get it. If you want to feel vibrations, then get an electric massager or a vibrating chair. You will never be sad since it is just dependent on a switch.



The purpose is tadhakkur, which means your heart focuses so much on the remembrance of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā that you lose all awareness other than the repetition of that name. It means you lose yourself in the dhikr. The next thing after tadhakkur is tabattul, which is that the dhikr itself leads you the remembrance of the Being named by that name. Through the dhikr of the ism (name), you get the remembrance of the Musammā (the Being named by that name). That is what Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā said in Qur’ān; Wa-dhkur-isma Rabbik, wa tabattal ilayhi tabtīlā [73:8] And remember the name of your Lord, and devote yourself to Him with complete devotion.


That is why someone people say the maqām of ihsān in salāh for ordinary people is enough to even feel the meanings of what is being said, and the meaning can transport someone to the feeling. Sometimes when you enter the feeling, this becomes in the foreground, and the meaning or the particular wording goes in the background. For example, if there is a verse regarding the fear of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā, then if you are able to feel the feeling of fear, then no doubt the wordings and the meanings brought you to that fear, but once you feel the feeling, it transcends that particular verse. The verse may have been talking about the fire of Hell, but you’re feeling absolute pure fear of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā. You’re feeling fear of sins, of Hell, of standing in front of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā – you use that verse which had one layer of meaning to go straight to the feeling, and now you are no longer bound by the words. If during that time, you happen to see a light, then what benefit would the light have, when you have got the feeling – that was the purpose! So the same thing, when a person does dhikr, the purpose is to get the feeling of the dhikr. You feel so focused – that is the feeling. Nabī ﷺ said that you should worship Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā as though you see him; that is the feeling.


Whatever ahwāl and kayfiyāt a person may get in this world, it will never be equal to the ahwāl and kayfiyāt a person will get in Jannah. So if you really still stubbornly insist you want the ahwāl and kayfiyāt, you should really want it in Jannah. There will be a certain hāl and kayfiyat a person will experience when they get the glorious vision of the beauty of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā. That delight will only be experienced if you enter Jannah. There will be a delight and pleasure in knowing Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā is pleased with us; there will be a delight and pleasure in being the beloved of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā. People often focus on the physical pleasures of Paradise, but even in terms of spiritual pleasure, raptures and ecstasies, the absolute spiritual pleasure, raptures and ecstasies are in Paradise. Our job is to get in Jannah – and that is done through the worship, obedience and remembrance of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā. The greatest barakah isn’t that your worldly problems will go away, but the greatest blessing is that Jahannam will become harām on that person. The greatest blessing is that your ākhirah problems go away. Having a worry-free worldly life is in fact impossible anyway; you can never have a worry-free worldly life, but you could have a worry-free ākhirah life.


The definition of Bay’at and Pīri-Murīdi: The reality of this relationship is that the shaykh makes the commitment to teach and explain thr dhikr, and to try to inspire and motivate the student to follow the commandements of Allāh subhānahu wata’ālā; and that the student should attest and make a firm intention to practise upon whatever he has been instructed, and to implement all the tips and practises to improve my practise on sharī’ah. By adopting and entering into this formal relationship, the benefit is that the shaykh will give more attention and be more focused to that individual. The student will take what the shaykh says more seriously. It is just like the example of the auditor and registered student; they can both listen to lessons, but when the student is formally registered, the profressor tracks him a bit more (compared to the auditor), and the student by formally registering also normally is more careful and conscientious in regards to what the professor said. If you take that to a further level, that you aren’t only a registered student, but now that professor is your supervisor/advisor/thesis supervisor too, then it goes further up. If you take him as your PhD supervisor, it goes even further up. These are formalised relationships; the more you formalise it, the more the commitment, and the more someone becomes commited, the learning takes place deeper and more. It has also been established from various ahādīth that placing one’s hand into that of another during a pledge or pact is a good thing. Accordingly, it has been mentioned in a hadīth that Rasūlullāh ﷺ would take the hands of those who wished to pledge allegiance to him into his own blessed hands. Furthermore, for ladies to hold a cloth etc. is in place of holding the hand.


If you view your shaykh to be the best shaykh in the world in an absolute way, a few problems arise. Problem 1: You may start to look down on other mashā’yikh, or other silsilas. You will end up in partisanship. Other problems: It can lead to competition, to rivalry, to ‘ujub, to arrogance etc. So relative, specific and particular to yourself, you should think that my mission of tazkiyah will be best accomplished through my shaykh, and not that my shaykh has to be the best shaykh in the whole world. If you view this statement relatively, you will get the benefit of it further cementing your relationship. To give you an example, once someone gets accepted into university, one should think that the way my university has designed this course, it is the best way for me to get my Economics degree. If you sit around, and you start searching websites, researching other universities and thinking they are better, you won’t learn well. You will be distracted and diverted from attaining your goal

Monday, June 6, 2016

Surah Naas



We should not try to give scientific rationale a higher place than Quranic revelation itself and we should not change the meaning of Quran just to make it more pleasing to others or to make it more scientific. People try to attack the hadith e.g. by saying that hadith were not compiled until around a 100 years after Prophet SAWW passed away, and the more authentic a hadith is the more fabricated it is and it has been covered up to make it seem authentic. Even some muslims doubt ahadith and say that they should not be used to interpret the Quran and they don't believe in context of revelation/shaan e nuzool.

The Quran was transmitted to us by the same sahaaba that transferred the ahadith. When you cannot trust them with ahadith, then you cannot even trust them with Quran? The Quran does NOT have contradictions but if we just look at ayahs without their context we will apparently find some contradictions, e.g. kill them wherever you find them vs. do not harbour animosity against anyone and treat them in the best way. Seemingly contradicting ayahs can be figured out when we look at their context, some surahs are mani some are makkki and the situation was different in these eras. Over simplification can lead to a lot of problems.

Surah Falaq was about outwardly sources of evil and Surah naaas is about the SOURCE of that evil i.e. Shaytaan. Allah not only protects us from evils outside ourselves as mentioned in Surah Falq but Allah also protects us from the evils inside us. The evils mentioned in Surah falq are out of our control, but those mentioned in Surah naaas are in OUR control as we can control our waswasa. Shaytan only invites us and WE are the ones who act upon it so this is a greater danger. The evils in Surah falq harm our dunyaa while waswasas harm our akhirah and imaan, so it needs to be guarded more. So we asked Allah's protection THRICE in Surah naas, we called Allah only once in Surah Falq.
The one we ask protection from is Mustaaaz bihi and the one we are escaping is Mustafa minhoo. The previous surah mentioned several mustaaz minhoo and one mustaaz bihi, and in this surah there is one mustaaz minhoo and several times mustaaz bihi is mentioned. That emphasises how strong this evil is and how strong a protection is needed.


قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ
Say, "I seek shelter with the Lord of the mankind"

QUL is an act of Allah's obedience and this is a means of seeking Allah's help and refuge. We can only seek protection after we have obeyed Allah's command. Declare your need for protection as this is a humbling experience as we admit that ONLY Allah can protect us.

The people are the one who need protection in this Surah that is why Allah used Rabbinaas. The Rabb of people. RABB has several implications. Rabb means absolute owner. e.g. owner of house, owner of slave. It is different from MALIK as Rabb has many meanings and includes SAYYED(one who has complete authority and charge) e.g. we can own a car and not have absolute authority over its make up. It also means MURABBI (it comes from tarbiyah, tarbiyah means to ensure the growth and maturity of something until it reaches the maturity where it can be productive) Murabbi is the one who ensures growth.  Root word is Raa baa wow and this also comes in the duaa rabbirhamhuma kaman RABBAYANI sagheera. It is possible that we own something and don't take care of it e.g. the garden, our home maintenance. But Allah not only OWNS us but also takes care of us. Rabb also means MURSHID (guides towards proper usage, grant us rash and hidaya). It also means MUNIM(the one who gives gifts so whatever Allah gives is a gift and he doesn't owe us anything). It also means QAYYIM(the one ensuring existence of his subjects). So we only exist because Allah allows us to exist and nurtures us e.g. a very delicate plant only survives if we take care of it otherwise it will die if we don't water it.

RABB is the first name Allah used to introduce himself to Muhammad SAWW and Musa AS.Allah said Iqra bismi rabbikalazi khalaq.  Allah Himself has introduced Himself as RABB. Allah said to Musa AS Inni Ana rabbukk and later said inane AlalAllah. Allah said in Surah Fatiha Alhamdulillahi rabbil aalameen. That is how important RABB is. The Quran begins and ends with RABB.  The summary of Quran is to accept Allah as the master and ourselves as slave. We need to internalise it. This guidance will only benefit those who accept themselves as slaves. We have to say iyyaka nabudu wa iyyaka nastaeen and only then we can say ihdinasiraatul mustaqeem. The Quran begins and ends with the emphasis that Allah is our rabb and we are His ABD. When we say we are his slave, that put us under his authority and we need to follow Allah's guidelines to live our life. We have to live our life according to Quran.


مَلِكِ النَّاسِ
King of mankind

One of the first realisation a child has is that his needs are being taken care of by his parents. MURABBI is one of the first realisations we have. Sometimes the problem is so big that parents cannot take care of it, then we need to go to the King/ Government. Then sometimes the problem is SO big that we can only ask ALLAH for help and have no one else to turn to on earth. There is a psychological progression. People tend to turn in dunyaa first to their loved ones and then to their king and higher authority and then to Allah. But Allah teaches us to go immediately first to our Rabb, we should turn for EVERYTHING to Allah. Ask Allah even if for a shoelace. So Allah fulfils all our needs so HE is our KING ALLAH and RABB.

There can be multiple caretakers in dunyaa but only one king in a country, but there is only one Allah in the whole universe so all these names have a logical progression and they become more and more specific to Allah. Allah cannot have ANY worldly implications as it is exclusively for Allah. It is a progression from more to less.

Caretaker can only take care of a few people, the king can take care of more people as he can watch over a country. Allah can watch over everyone. So NAAS is from qillat to qasrat as the people keep increasing. Allah does not repeat naaas just for beauty of language but it also has such hidden connotations.

Whenever we recite Quran, we should  be seeking refuge from Allah as Surah Fatiha begins, and we also end Quran seeking Allahs protection.

Who is the biggest victim of Shaytaan? Firaun. Firaun claimed to to be the rabb of people. Then he said don't I own the whole kingdom. He also called himself the maalik. Firaun also said to his generals: I don't know of any other Ilaah for you than myself. So Firaun tried to claim Allah's position, all 3 positions. His biggest problem was arrogance and shaytaan can also put that arrogance within us and that is a major waswasa. In this world, people declare themselves their OWN master, their own king, their own Ilaah. They think they own themselves and have full control over their lives and their lifestyles. We become mini Firaauns when we have ego and we think we do whatever we like. Allah crushes this ego by saying us to seek his protection at the start of this surah.

One of the root origins of Naas is Nisyaaan which means forgetfulness. People forget the promise they made to Allah when Allah asked us Am I NOT YOUR RABB? Allah has given Shaytaan the ability to make people forget, and they even forget Allah when living their life. They forget Allah while committing sins. We ask Allah to  be people of remembrance and not be people of forgetfulness. When we recite Quran we should seek Allah's refuge so that we are conscious and aware of Allah while doing every act. If the heart is filled with Allah's remembrance, then Shaytaan cannot enter it, but when the heart is an empty vessel and vacant, then Shaytaan will penetrate it and make us forget.

Allah has also repeated Naas to honour human beings by putting our name next to Allah's thrice.

MALIK is the authority of Allah. and the third name ALLAH includes both RABB and MALIK.


إِلَهِ النَّاسِ
God of mankind
ILAAH comes from alihaa which means to incline towards someone, to stick to someone, to go towards someone, to be obsessed with someone. so Allah is the one we should be constantly turning to. Allah also means one who should be worshipped AND obeyed. Ibadah includes worship and obedience. Firaun also said to his generals, who is your ilaah except me? so Ilaah is used in the context of obedience here. Some people are offered some very strong temptations e.g. a haram lavish job, then they have to remember that Allah is the ilaaaah and we should obey him.




  • مِن شَرِّ الْوَسْوَاسِ الْخَنَّاسِ
    From the mischief of the whisperer (of Evil, the Satan or the Evil one) who hides away (after his whispers
  • Shaytaan plants himself right above the heart of human being, and as soon as a human becomes lax and ghaafil, Shaytaan puts a waswasa, and as soon as he remembers Allah , Shaytaan retreats. (mafhoom of a hadith). Shaytaan keeps turning back to give waswasas. He NEVER takes a break from making us forget. Although we do take breaks from remembering Allah. Shaytaan works really hard to throw people into the fire. Shaytaan wants to instil his kibar into others and one manifestation of kibar is anger, that is why we seek Allah's refuge when we are angry.

    There is not anyone of you except that there is a constant partner assigned to him. Also with Muhammad SAWW. But Allah has aided Muhammad SAWW so he does not tell me anything but good. (mafhoom of hadith)

    The messenger SAWW returned Safiyah RA to her home, and on the way two Ansar are walking by, and he tells his wife to stop and says that this is Safiyah. The sahaaba said why are you saying this, why are you explaining, we won't think anything wrong. Then our prophet SAWW said that shaytaan flows in us like blood and I feared he might put a waswasa in your heart. (mafhoom of hadith) Shaytaan also puts waswasa in our mind against Prophet SAWW and tries to turn us away from hadith and sunnah. People who don't have knowledge and don't remember Allah and leave a vacancy for Shaytaan are victimised by Shaytaan. Shaytaan plants an ego within our hearts that why should we follow Prophet SAWW, he is just a human like us, so why should we accept his authority over us. We don't like accepting authorities over us so we don't like the police, the boss, the teacher, the judge. So it's hard for us to accept Prophet SAWW as the ultimate authority, it is relatively easy for us because we are not in his era.  But how hard was it for people who were in his time as now his friends and family have to accept him as the ultimate authority. People keep asking IS IT IN THE QURAN? They don't say is this in the QURAN AND SUNNAH? People remove the sunnah from the Quran and separate them.

    SHARR is a harmful evil and a spark that can harm us.
    Shaytaan comes from shatana or shaaata and it means being consumed with rage.

    Waswasa is translated as whisper. Hams is another word that comes for whisper. Hams can have a positive or negative context but Waswasa is only negative. Haamis is someone who whispers but waswasa refers to whispering again and again(syllables repetition also point towards repetition of the act).  Why did Allah not use the word Muwaswis? Allah used WASWAAS which is mubaalga, because Shaytaan is an obsessive compulsive whisperer and he repeats again and again. It refers first and foremost to ibleees as Allah used AL WASWAAS.

    Some scientific people have the concept that Iblees is dead and now his followers are doing his job. This is false as Iblees is still around according to Quran.

    Why did Allah say whisperer instead of whispering? Why waswaas and not waswasa? The one who does the whispering can do more evils than just the whisper.  So we seek Allahs protection from he whisperer when he whispers or does any other evil. It is more comprehensive. Then Allah says KHANNAAS. It was also used in Quran to refer to stars that twinkle and then disappear.  Allah did not use the word KHAANIS but he used KHANNAAS, so KHANNAAS is the one who KEEPS stepping back. Shaytaan keeps stepping forward and seeking refuge keeps pushing him back. Shaytaan keeps doing it over and over again and never gets tired. e.g. the seegha FA'AAL means that the person keeps doing the thing over and over again like WAHHAAB means keep giving gifts GHAFFAAR means keeps forgiving. Waswaas is his offence and Khannaas is his defence.

    We express our humility and ask protection from Shaytaan who is most arrogant. Allah says no doubt about it, my slaves, you will have NO authority over them. When we call Allah RABB we are His IBAAD and slaves so that means Shaytaan can have no authority over us if we become slaves of Allah.
    We should be in a state of wudhu and physical cleanliness in addition to seeking Allah's protection through spiritual duaas and Quran

    الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ
    (the same Evil one) who whispers into the Hearts of mankind
    .
    Allah first called him waswaas and then said he whispers into the chest of mankind. That is his job and he does it so Allah is re emphasising it. He whispers into the chest of the people. Sadrr is zarf makaan(it is a place). Allah did not use the word hearts but he used the word CHEST. The heart is like a castle and there is an open real estate around it, Allah gave him access to the area around the castle but not INTO the castle. The only one who has the key to the door is US. Shaytaan is waiting to pounce and enter the heart. WE let him enter into our heart by leaving the doors open. When imaan leaves the heart, evil deeds are beautified for us. Evil deeds are disgusting to us when we have imaan and they are tempting to us when we lose imaan. If we let Shaytaan make his way in, he will beautify evil for us

    مِنَ الْجِنَّةِ وَ النَّاسِ
    Among the jinns and the men
    Sometimes Allah mentions humans first and sometimes jinns first. When Allah talks about animosity against the Prophet SAWW, he mentions people first and when the context is whispering and waswasa then Allah mentioned jinn first. If a human being whispers something, then it might be his own idea and might be from Shaytaan so Allah mentions the SOURCE first which is Shaytaan. Ibleees uses jinn and people to conduct his waswasa.  Shaytaan uses people as puppets to transmit waswasa. He uses technology to give waswasa.

    Connections between Surah falq and surah fatiha

    This Surah is connected to Surah Falq and Surah fatiha. Prophet SAWW's sunnah was to finish Quran and then recite Surah Fatiha immediately as this teaches us that there is no end to completing Quran and we should start over again, and these two surahs have powerful connections. In Surah fatiha we ask for Istiaaana HELP, and in this surah we ask for Istiaaza PROTECTION from people who are trying to keep us from that task. Sarah fatiha has Rabbil aalameen and maaliki youmiddin and iyyaka nabudu which are the same 3 names mentioned in Surah naas. Sarah fatiha is more positive so rahmah word is used and Surah naas has a more negative theme as it mentions evil so rahmah is not used. This surah begins with asking for protection and Surah fatiha ENDS with asking for protection so they have a reciprocal relationship. Aauzu is a singular world used in Surah naas, and Surah fatiha has a plural word iyyaka nabudu wa iyyaka nastaeen. Surah Fatiha was more about general collective guidance as an umma, while Surah Naas is about individual guidance. There are two possible sources of evil influences in Surah naas, jinn and humans. Sarah fatiha is about two negative influences, maghzoobi alaiyhim and zaaleen. Everything that came before iyyaka nabudu in Surah fatiha is linked to iyyaka nabudu, and iyyaka nastaeen is linked to the second half of surah fatiha.  Sarah naas had two halves, about mustaaz bihi and mustaaz minhu (the one who's protection is sought and the one from whom protection is sought)

    Our human race was sent to Earth because of the waswasa of Shaytaan so it all started with the waswasa of Shaytaan. Ibleees said you won't find most people grateful and they will disobey you, and Surah Fatiha begins with us starting with hamdd and gratitude of Allah. Shaytaan revealed what was hidden under their clothes(their hayaa) so that is the strongest attack of shaytaan.

    The Quran begins and ends with duaa so duaa is extremely important. Don't underestimate the power of duaa.

    Saturday, November 28, 2015

    Time, Love, Praise and Encouragement in Relationships

    I’m not gonna be speaking about some very high ideals. I’m gonna talking about some very basic things. That I personally feel, actually I’m really convinced, are plaguing all families, muslim or non, and muslim  are no exception to the problems of family in the modern times. So the problems that non muslims are facing in their family, we’re not too far behind. And to assume that we are somehow immune of the problems of the modern world, is a deception.

     People get an education nowadays to get a good carrier, that’s probably the number one reason you’re going to school, or you’re sending your children to school or plan to send your children to school, that eventually they will have a good way of making money for themselves, a carrier, a meaningful carrier. The second reason why people pursue an education is to get credential. It’s kind of a show of respect, that I went to college, I graduated, I have a degree. It’s kind of a show of unrespectable member of society. When you’re not able to finish your high school, or diploma, or go to college or whatever else, it’s almost a disgrace in most of the society. Especially in the society where the parent did not have such an opportunity, like they were farmers, or taxi drivers or whatever else. They dream that their child when he grows up or she grows up, they will definitely get an education. So the 2 fundamental reasons for which people pursue an education nowadays, is either to get a carrier, or to gain some respect in society. These are the 2 reasons that are shared by all people. This is not a muslim thing, this is across the world. Go on and ask somebody why do they pursue an education in Australia, and china or in Pakistan and they will tell you the same thing.

    But what I wanted to add to this discussion and what this had to do with family and relationship is that we’re living in strange times, where you can have a Phd in biochemistry and you can have a doctor in nuclear physics or history or political science..and the guy does not know how to be a good husband! The guy has no clue how to be a neighbor. He has no idea how to be a good son. Or a good father for that matter. He has no clue. I would consider it a basic education. To be a decent son, a decent father, a decent neighbor, basically a decent human being, a decent husband. These are the basic things. But people have pursued and we’ve defined for ourselves education and other things and when it comes to the very basic of being a decent member of society and a decent member of your family, we are almost completely ignorant. 

    And a lot of times people that are completely ignorant may even be the extremely knowledgeable in religion. This is the crazy part. The religion that came to make you a decent person, the religion that came to make you respectable human being, that gives you your dignity back, people have knowledge of this religion, they’re attending courses, seminars, listening to speeches, memorizing surahs, studying tafseer, and yet they don't know how to talk to their wife or talk to their mother. They don't know how to carry a conversation on the phone. They lose their temper all too easily. subhanAllah, it’s incredible. It’s really ironic. So what I wanted to focus on are some very basic things. 

    Subhanallah, it’s a gift from Allah to me, I’m grateful, eternally grateful, that I have had the opportunity to see over a hundred and fifty muslim comunitties all over the US. Masjid to masjid to masjid. Community to community to community. And you know what I see? I see the same thing. I see the same exact mistake being repeated by us, over and over and over again. And you know who comes to me all the time and says “Can you talk to my children?” Parents of teenagers. Parents of teenagers. “You know, my son, he just doesn’t listen to me anymore. Can you talk to him?” Like I have some prescription drug that I carry with me. Or you what it is, the son comes over and I’m gonna be like “fuuhh…” and all of sudden he’ll be this amazing kid. “But if you just talk to him…” “No no no..what if YOU talk to him…and where were you when there were times to talk to him?” Let me tell you something about, I’m gonna talk about parents first, a little bit, then I’ll talk about couple and that’s the only time we have. Two things. To kind of fundamentals relationships, your relationship with your children and your relationship with your spouse. So we’ll talk about some very basic things in regards to both.


    When your children are little, when they little, when they were 5/6/7/2/3/4, you know what the most important thing for them is? I have 5 of those, I could tell you. The most important thing for them is your approval. They wanna make you proud, man. They wanna show you what they did.
    I’ll be on an important work phone call, and my son, my 2 years old son would come over, “Aba! Aba! Aba!” Like ok, “Hold on” “What is it?” “Ehe…” (laughs) nothing… I’ll go back on the phone and he’ll start calling me again I’ll be like “Ok ok ok..what is it?” “I will show you something.” “What do you want to show me?” (jump in the place) That is it! (Laughs) but you know what I’m supposed to do? “Oh my God! That’s awesome!! Do it again!!..” “I’ll call you back”  (Laughs). You’re supposed to appreciate what children do, they live for that. They desire that more than anything else. I have 3 girls, and you know different between girls and boys? Boy can’t sit still and Girls can’t stop this. Right? So I pick my girls up from school, one from first grade and one from 3rd grade, I pick them up from school, it’s a 25 minutes ride back home and what are they doing the whole way? “You know what happen today in class? We colored the dinosaurs and we did this and that and I was coloring with purple but then I decided to put in some green…” And they’re going on and on and on and they cannot help themselves. And they cannot stop and I have to pay attention and listen. I have to listen and say “ooh what about blue?” “No I did only a little bit blue.” Right? I have to pay attention. And you know why I’m saying all of this?

      Just one more story on the side, just to wake you up a little.  I share this story all the time. My eldest daughter, Husna, when she was younger she was really into finger painting. Just dip her hands and paint and just make a big all mess. And she brings this big cardboard to me and it’s a big blob of blue, I don’t see anything. And she says, “Aba! Look what I made!” and I’m sit in there and going “That’s awesome! A mountain!” and she says, “No, it’s mama!”  and I was like “ooh..Don’t tell mama.” But the point I’m trying to make is they live for your approval. They live for it.

     But those of you that have children that are teenagers, do they get in the car when you pick them up from school and they can’t stop telling you what happened, does that happen? “Oh you know what happened in the school today, my teacher said this and that and the other and I got an A on my paper..” Nope, they’re quiet. And you’re trying to ask “How was you day?” “It was okay.” “So what you do?” “Something” “Where you going today?” “Somewhere”. They don’t talk. Getting them to talk is like interrogation at a police station. And they’re not saying anything to you. And while you’re trying to ask them question, they’re texting their friends, “My Dad is asking too many questions today. I don’t know what’s up. Did you tell him something?” what I’m trying to get at is very simple. At a younger age, your children crave your attention. And when they got older, you will crave their attention. But if you don’t give them attention when they they’re tiny, when they come to you with their toys and you say, “Go to your room! I’m watching the news!” “The game is on, could you take him, please?” “Come on, I had a long day at work. I don’t want to deal with this right now.” “I have friends over, it’s a embarrassing, go to sleep! Go get out of here.” When you have this attitude towards your children, like they’re an obstacle in your path, your job was at work, when you come home you’re on vacation..

    No buddy! Your job began when you came home. That’s your job. What you did over there just to fulfill your real job at home. Be a father! I’m talking to the man here. Be a father, spend time with your children. They’re not just there so you put them up in school, and you come home from work and just wanna go to sleep, you don’t wanna bother with anybody, you don’t wanna talk to them, and actually the easiest way to not talk to them is to get them an ipod touch and iphone, and get them a computer, a laptop in their own room with high speed internet so you don’t even have to look at their face. They could just be on their room all day, facebook-ing, finding themselves a new set of parents online.


    Seriously.. Be a father! Be a mother! Don’t replace your motherhood and your fatherhood with these things because if you do, when they become independent, you know what happens to most parents? To most of you, your children, they only see you as a bunch of elders walking around. And the only time they come and talk to you, “Dad, can I have 5 bucks?” Actually nobody asks for 5 bucks anymore, right? It’s 20’s nowadays? And I know youth, they haven’t seen money that small, they don’t know 5’s.  “Can I have 20 dollars?” “Can I go to the mall?” “Can you drop me off?” “Can I go over my friend’s house?” Can I do this, can I do that, can I do the other..when they want something, they come to you. Otherwise, you don’t see them. And when they got to certain age, when they are old enough to make they own a little bit of money, guess what? You’re not gonna see them at all. ‘Cause your cash register is no longer relevant. That’s no longer relevant. 

    If this is a relationship you are setting yourself up for, you’re headed for destruction. We gotta change this now. And the way to change it, and it’s gonna be hard for a lot of you to implement this, but we have to be friends with our children. We have to be their best friends. They should enjoy hanging out with us the most, the parents. The parent should not be a nuisance. The parent should be a joy to children. They should be a joy to them.

    And being a good parent doesn't mean you get them toys, and you got them nice things and you nice clothes. That’s all there, that’s fine and dandy. But the most important thing, you give them right now, is your time. Especially in this society where so many things are pulling away at their time. And the thing you’re not able to give them, you can give them their own room, you can give them money, you can give them allowance, you can give them cloths, but you don't give them time. And when you don’t give them time, they separate themselves mentally from you. They cut themselves off. They learn to become independent in an early age. And independent in this society really means alienated. It doesn’t mean just independent.


    This is a serious matter on how to raise our children. We have to openly communicate with them. And that’s the other thing. And part of the communication, only one more thing about parent before I go to marriage, just one more basic thing about parenting in this society. You know there’s certain things in islam that are absolutely unacceptable. They’re taboo, they’re forbidden, they’re haram, they’re evil…But our children see it everyday. They see this stuff everyday. You can’t even avoid it. They’re looking out their window and they see a billboard. You know.. They just watching cartoon and an ad comes on. they see this stuff. And when you put, most of you, put them in school, and I don’t even say an Islamic school are safe, because most kids in the Islamic school are watching the same show the kids at the public school are watching. And they’re talking about it at the school too. Let’s face a reality for a moment. They are exposed to a lot. They really are. So the first time your daughter comes home and start to talking about some, you know, Disney boy, that they’re pushing on the media, or some girl that sing a lot of songs and these are the filthy role models. Filthy. They are worse than the animals. I’d rather, my children watch like puppet animals than watch this people. ‘Cause they behave worse than animal, Wallahi. This the “Hannah Montana of the world”,  are the filth of the planet. They really are. And I have seen this. Little girl, muslim girl with a hijab on, going to Islamic school with a Hannah Montanah bookbag. What is wrong with you, parents? What happen to you? This is unacceptable.


    But once your children brings something like that up, they say something like that. They say something that completely unacceptable for you. What happens to most of the parents? “This is wrong! You don’t talk about this thing. Astagifirullah! Say Astagfirullah!” “ Fine, I guess you don’t want to talk about it. I’ll just talk to my friends about it then.” And you know what you just did? You just basically told them, if you have something of this nature, the controversial nature, don’t talk to me about it, but does that mean they won’t talk about it at all? They will talk to someone, and who it is gonna be? Their friends. Most of the time, their non muslim friends. From whom they will get non muslim kinds of advice. You, close the door to communication. And me, being from the back ground I am, my ancient history is afghan, so I have a hot temper. So my daughter came home one day, pre-school, my daughter was in pre-school. But we have this, we are very possessive to our daughters, you know.  So she goes and says “You know, Ahmad was so funny in class today” I was like, “Who’s Ahmad?!?” And my wife says to me, “Calm down, let me talk to her. You go away, you can’t handle this.” And she talks to her..”It was nothing, he was just fell off the chair, she was thinking it was funny, it’s very innocent.” But if she hears, “My Dad really get upset when he hear the name Ahmad  or whatever, so I better not bring it up. I better not tell my parents what happen at school then I’ve shut the door of communication. I’ve made that mistake. And a lot of parents made that mistake and they are paying the price now and listening to this and shedding tears cause they remembering the mistake they made. They really are.


    But lets switch gear, quickly insha Allahu ta’ala. And talk a little bit about marriage; the other fundamental, the core component of the healthy society. We cannot talk about dawah, we cannot talk about establishing a harmony in Islamic society until we have the harmony inside the household. But our households are the places of the chaos. How are we talking about the higher ideals in dakwah when our homes are broken? Husband and wife are arguing every day. Sarcasm inside the house. Nasty commentary towards each other. “You know you not really that pretty” “Oh you’re no Yusuf AS yourself. You don't see me cutting my hands.” Unnecessary sarcasm. Hurtful commentary towards each other. Hurtful words toward each other. And you know, a lot of times you know exactly what’s gonna annoy your wife. And you do it anyway. And a lot of times the woman they know exactly what’s gonna get under his skin. And they’ll say it anyway.  Just to see what happens. Right?

     And who’s watching all of this? While you’re doing this to each other? These word games you play with each other and this battle inside the house, who’s watching, who’s the real victim? The children. The children are learning this behavior. What kind of parents are they gonna be when they grow up? There’s no sense of forgiveness inside the marriage. you know, the muslim men, a lot of you who work in a public sphere, in a corporate or whatever else, you’ll go to work, your secretary highly inappropriately dressed, just smiling at you “How is it going, Mohammed? How was your day?” and you’re like, “It was pretty good, you know..” You come home, the wife at the house “I don’t wanna talk about it I had a long day at work.” This is what we’re doing inside our homes. Ruining our own relationship with our spouses. When was the last time, let me ask the brothers, I’m not at the position to speak on behalf of the sisters cause I’m not one. They should be getting advice from sisters. But let me talk to you and get on your case for a minute, on my own. When was the last time you got her a gift, Man? When was the last time you took her out the bazaar over there, and she picks up, and you’re like “No no no put that back” When was the last time you got here\ something? Without her asking? When was the last time you hang out with her? Just took her out for ice cream for no reason. They don’t ask for much, they also just ask for your time. They only ask for your time.


    Wallahi there are sisters who complains to me and I couldn’t believe my ears. They complain to me that they haven’t seen their husband forever because when they come home, they sit on the computer and just youtube away the whole night. And they haven’t seen they’re crying. It’s like we’re not even married anymore. Get off of the computer, man! You have a wife, you have a children to deal with. That’s your priority. What are you sitting there listening to Islamic lecture, what islam is that?  We have to be courteous to our family. We have to extend, we have to be the best to them. The messenger SAW says “Khairukum li ahlihi. Wa anna khairumminkum li ahlihi”. The best of you are the one who’s best to their family. Who can actually claimed ‘I’m my best self to the family”? You guys are so much nicer to your friends! So much nicer to your coworkers! So much more courteous to the police officer who pulls you over. But you cannot extend that kind of courtesy to your mother, you can’t talk to her for 10 extra minutes, the moment she starts getting a little annoying and starts telling you all the thing you don’t do right, you say “I gotta go, I got another phone call. Can’t talk right now.” Listen to her! Sit there and listen to her! This is what you’re supposed to do. That’s your job. She didn’t do that with you “I can’t hear your crying right now, go on to the other room, shut it.” You know? “Deal with it yourself”. Your mother carried you, she took care of you.


    We have to be the best to our spouses, we have to be the best to our parents. These are the fundamentals in the relationship. And by the way all the relationship get fixed if this two are fixed. And these two, the only way they’ll be fixed, if the relationship with Allah is fixed. So if you have marriage problems and parental problems, you know what the real problem is? Taqwa and Iman. You’re not grateful enough. Your spouses are the gift from Allah to you. And to be ungrateful to a gift is to be ungrateful to Allah SWT. Your parents are the gift of Allah to you. So if you don’t have a good relationship with them, who are you actually being ungrateful to? Think about that! SubhanAllah!


    I urge you, seriously, start having dinner with the family. Don’t eat by yourself. Don’t eat at the separate time, make a time. I’m not demanding too much from you at all. Seriously make small commitments. Set a time in the day where the whole family gets together and prays together. And it’s a set time. Just like there’s a set time for the TV show, there’s a set time for homework, and the set time for you to get back from the work, there’s a set time to pray maghrib together. There’s a set time to pray Isha. Just one pray at least. You get together with the family and you pray together. That, in it of itself is a huge, it’s enormous. You can at least to this.  This much. Just start with this. Inside the house. And you’ll begin to see a better relationship with your wife and your children.


    The final comment I wanted to make for you insha Allahu ta’ala, is about balance. And this is a long discussion I’ll open it but I’ll leave you to think about it. One time the messenger SAW was asked about ‘what islam is’. ‘What is this deen’. So he has to give a brief answer. He has to sum up the entire religion in very brief language. And he chose this ayat from suratun nisa. (qs.4:58) There’s one ayat, which summarizes the entire deen. And what ayat is this?  “Inna Allaha ya/murukum an tu-addooal-amanati ila ahliha..” 
    It is no doubt that Allah who commands you to fulfill the rights of people, the trust that have been given to you to give them back in full, to those who deserve them.

     People have a right over you, people are having trusted you for something and you should fulfill it completely, that is what Allah commands you.
     “…wa-itha hakamtumbayna annasi an tahkumoo bilAAadl” And whenever you make decision between people, make those decisions with justice. 

    Make them with justice. And I won’t even go through the rest of the ayat, let me tell you something. Especially to the men, those who are responsible, the shepherd of the household. You are pulled in a different directions. The deen is pulling you, your job is pulling you, your wife is pulling you, your children are pulling you, your parents are pulling you. You have all these obligations to all these different things. And sometimes your mother asks you to do something, which will be a violation of your wife’s rights. And your wife will ask you to do something that will be a violation of your mother’s rights. And there’s a battle going on. And who’s stuck in the middle? Who’s taking the beating? On one phone call with wife, the other with the mother, who’s in the middle? The husband. And a lot of times, what ends up happening is either he’s sides this way or he’s sides that way. What should we have to be? We have to be just (adil). We have to be the nicest, the kindest to our parents but we cannot lose the side of justice. You don’t have the right to violate the rights of your wife. Allah didn’t give you that right. No, you cannot fulfill somebody else’s obligation at the expense of somebody else’s. You can’t do that. Your children have a right over you. Nothing can take that away. You’ll be answerable to Allah for not fulfilling the rights of your children. You have  obligations to your spouse, you have an obligations to your parent. And each of them are separate. Don’t confuse them with each other. You have a tough job! You sign up for it! You’re the one who want to get married! You signed up for it already. You better learn to deal with it! This is the balance you have to establish. And Wallahi IF you don’t establish balance in your house, there will be chaos. There will be fighting all the time. There will be fighting between in laws, and children, and husband and wife and all kind of craziness in your home, because you haven’t learn how to balance yet. You haven’t learned how to fulfill your obligation yet.


    And the role of the spouses, the wife is to help their husband find the balance. Not just to fulfill their agenda because they will answerable to Allah as well. They’re supposed to support their husband and help them. Stop being sarcastic towards each other. Stop complaining about each other, just do your part! Don’t expect from your wife, don’t expect from your husband, just expect from Allah! Just do what you’re supposed to do! What you deserve, will come from Allah, it will not come from your spouse. Get over it! Stop whining and stop complaining! The moment you start complaining, you are already not taking in to consideration all the good things Allah has given you.


    And this is what I conclude with. How many things Allah has given us that we should be grateful for? How many things has Allah given us that we should be grateful for? We can’t count.  We can’t even count one ni’mat. If you were try to count one ni’mat of Allah, one blessing of Allah, you would not be able to encompass it. Allah’s favors are countless upon us. So if you find the time to complain, that means you didn’t have enough time to thank Allah for so many things, that you have enough times to complain about things. This is the height of ingratitude, when someone’s start to complaining. Quit complaining. If you have problems, learn to be grateful to Allah first and have sabr. The key to sabr is to being grateful to Allah. And if you don’t have patience, it means you ‘re not grateful enough. Really, if you don’t have patience, the secret is, you’re not grateful to Allah enough

    You open up the fridge, there are 10 different kind of soda, you say, “Where is the orange juice?” “God! I told you to get it!” you’re not grateful enough to what you have in front of you. We have to learn to be grateful. We have to teach our children gratitude, we have to teach them to be grateful for what Allah has given to them. We have to make them children that are used to giving, not getting. We’re making them consumers! We’re making them zombies, “Get me this, get me that, get me this, get me that!” If they’re like this one them children, what are they gonna be like when they are adults? How is it a shock then that they’re gonna be fighting over the inheritance when they get older? You take them to “Toy’s R us” yourself so they can cry about over the 2 millions worth of merchandise that you still left behind after you left the store. We’re doing that to our own children. These are not high and the holy things, these are basics that form the foundation of healthy relationship. Let’s educate each other about them. Let’s make a serious commitment to raise the right kind of family. Let’s fix ourselves. Let’s spend time with our family together. Let’s make that our first priority. Wallahi if the family is good, the community is okay. And all of the problems you see in the community, you know, they’re not the community problems. They start with the family problems. Let’s fix those first.


    May Allah SWT make us of those who are able to save themselves and their family from the hellfire
    May Allah SWT make us of those who are able to be patient, the most patient with their own family, be the most merciful to their own family, the most forgiving to their own family, and
    May Allah SWT make us of those who are able to reconnect the bonds that have been cut because of the fighting, the disputes, the arguments…May we become those who make the call back and says “You know what? No more silence. I’m gonna call my dad back. So what if we had a fight six months ago? I’ll call him back today after this conference. At least that’s one promise I make to Allah, I will reconnect that relationship.” “I will go apologize to my wife for what I said.” “I’ll go apologize to my husband for what I did.” “I will fix my self now because this is what I owe to Allah SWT”

    May Allah make us of those people, may Allah SWT forgive our shortcomings.